TankTrouble News Have Moved
Read here
As a part of Operation Red Steel this news section has closed. But don't despair! The TankTrouble News Department continues to report relentlessly in the news section of TankTrouble Online.
The following is an archive of officially unofficial, possibly completely fictional, and absolutely classified communications put out by the underground laboratory since it was founded. If you choose to read it, make sure that you store the information in a confidential part of your brain. Also, do not put on a tinfoil hat!
The annual TankTrouble tag line competition is back and the field has been shaved down to four rivals. We leave it up to you to pick the champion that will have his tag line put on the front page.
What's your preferred prospect?
The tankers have spoken up about ranks and they want to have it both ways - of course! This means that the scientists will have to abandon their straightforward plan of simply unplugging the Rank-Meister 2048 server, but they are pleased that ranks will still be able to separate the wheat from the chaff - or the 1337 from the n00bs as the intern puts it (nobody here understands what he's saying).
Now begins the hard work of figuring out where all those many miles of cable running from the Rank-Meister 2048 actually go and what they do. This complex task will take all the spaghetti-untangling skills of the entire lab and the lead scientist has prepared a small roadmap for you to peruse while you wait.
Planned Rank Implementation
- Battles will be unranked by default - boo!
- Ranks can be enabled when creating a new battle
- Ranked battles will deploy tanks more fairly - no more cheap spawn kills
- Mazes for ranked battles will be more symmetric
- Tanks can choose not to show their rank to others - except in ranked battles of course
The laboratory has received many reports from concerned tankers regarding ranks and their effect on battles. While some tankers enjoy ranks, others find that they have made TankTrouble too competitive. The scientists are at a loss.
What's your say on ranks?
Series III adds 7 new cards to this scientist pasttime favourite. It includes an urban legend and a sugar coated torus. The rules for playing the latter is unclear to the scientists. We hope the next issue of The Lab Report will shed some light on the matter.
TankTrouble trading cards are made by a team of diehard tanktroublers with kudos from the underground laboratory.
You can download series III here
The annual TankTrouble tag line dogfight on the forum has once again left three contenders standing on the battlefield. It is now up to you to pick the final winner, which will be proudly displayed on the front page.
What's your favourite contender?
Once again the unofficial, annual TankTrouble tag line battle in poetic destruction went down on the forum. The scientists have picked three nominees for the most TankTroublish tag line. The winner will be immortalised on the front page.
What's your favourite nominees?
A battery of ballistic missiles!
Ever since the cataclysmic nuclear reactor meltdown of last Christmas season, the lab has decided to dial down the expectations and wish for something a little more safe and less explosive. Apparently, Santa can not be trusted to safely handle something as trivial as a nuclear fission process. Who would have known?
In the lab, the scientists are getting ready for the Christmas present festivities of tomorrow morning while they are sipping eggnog and melting the snow in the corridors with flamethrowers. All in all, it seems that the seasonal peace and quiet has found its way to the Siberian underground.
Oh, the intern is back. We found him outside munching acorns stolen from a nearby squirrel and hugging a rocket silo exhaust vent for warmth. This means the whole team is back together and we all wish you a merry Christmas!
On this day, 10 years ago, in an abandoned, research facility hidden deep in the Siberian wastelands a small team of scientists resurrected a long forgotten, cold war experiment codenamed TankTrouble. This was the beginning of an era of an inexhaustible supply of destruction. And it doesn't end here!
Fuelled by canned food from the Cold War and the occasional musk ox snack our appetite for destruction has not diminished. To kick off the next decade the scientists have unleashed:
Deathmatch
Join us on BETA now and help us celebrate!
In addition, the master chef has started a mass production of festive birthdays cakes utilising the nuclear core for maximum baking capacity to meet the expected high demand. Get your slice now from Dimitri's Emporium while supplies last!
Here in the Siberian underground we are slowly gearing up for the yearly ginger bread munching and Christmas carolling fiesta. To get in the right spirit, the Accessory Team took on the immense task of decorating the dreary BETA wing of the laboratory. They spent several days reaching just the right balance of nice, cozy and jolly.
Unfortunately, the intern left the surface hatch open as the master chef sent him to collect ingredients for snow cones. He hadn't been gone for more than five minutes when a huge blizzard swept the freezing planes surrounding the laboratory and pushed a few metric tonnes of snow down the hatch.
Before a hungry T-Rex could even begin to think about hotdogs, all the decorations and goodies were ripped off the walls and scattered on the floor and the tunnels were filled with snow. Bummer! On the bright side, the intern hasn't been seen since and now we can make our own snow cones rather than eat the chef's suspicious yellow variant.
The Accessory Team have not been knocked out by this minor setback and will be doling out Christmas accessories throughout December. New tanks (or those of you who missed out last year) are reminded to log in every day until Christmas Day to collect all the jolly swag you can handle.
The scientists have been slaving away on bringing TankTrouble online for almost three years. Some of them have grown so pale from never leaving the underground laboratory that we have started using them as night lights - great for saving on our already astronomical electricity consumption!
Anyway, the Beta opened (slightly delayed) in July of 2015, but that was only the beginning as the work on creating new features never ends. In fact, even though we accomplished all the goals and handed out all the rewards of the campaign quite a while ago, we've been so busy that we forgot to announce that the Kickstarter campaign is now officially over. Well it is!
The game is still in Beta but we are fast approaching a proper release. Up next on the scientists' plate is new battle modes, which will spice up the destruction more than the laboratory master chef's infamous chilli con carne (consuming it has been classified as torture by several human rights organisations).
It's been a bumpy ride but a great adventure, and we want to extend a big heartfelt thank-you to all who backed us. You have been a great help and we are eternally grateful for the opportunity. Now go play what you've helped put into the world!
Recently the scientists discovered The Lab Report, an independent newspaper created by devoted players reporting all things TankTrouble! When isolated in a secret research facility deep in the Siberian underground, spending all day developing tanks, the appetite for news from the surface is insatiable. Especially news about tanks! So while shoving down grub in the cantina the scientists like to read up on the latest The Lab Report.
And that's just one in many contributions created by players. The scientists love to spend the scarce breaks trawling the oodles of Youtube channels, illustrations, groups and whatnots out there, and they stand in awe.
We have featured a few player-made contributions in the lab: Get the latest Lab Report or download the TankTrouble Trading Cards.
Once again, winter is coming and the darkness is returning. It's the scientists' favourite time of the year and the laboratory has been working around the clock to prepare for the upcoming celebration of all things spooky and chewy: Halloween!
In addition to the regular, ghoulish accessories, the scientists have been conducting new supernatural experiments. See the other-worldly outcome on BETA!
The laboratory would like to host tournaments but we do not have the technical capabilities yet. Now it seems enthusiastic players have taken matters into their own hands as they are about to kick off TTOC - TankTrouble Online Competition! TTOC takes place on BETA where contestants will compete in various game modes. Awesome!
Although the TTOC is officially absolutely unofficial the laboratory officially supports it, and Dimitri's Emporium has sponsored great prizes.
To secure your seat in TTOC and for more information keep an eye on the forum. Good luck everyone!
Lately, the forums have been abuzz with rumours of hacking and stolen tanks. Please rest assured that your TankTrouble account is safe as long as you make sure your password is impossible to guess and you don't share your password with anyone. Not even your mom, your best friend, your dog, or your pet T-Rex.
If you follow these guidelines, your password will never leave the fortified server bunker of the Siberian underground. Not even the scientists can see your password as it is stored as completely encrypted mumbo jumbo.
The winner of the 2017 TankTrouble Tag Line Competition is QuickNinja64 with:
Tanks 'n' Trouble - Watch out, before you turn to rubble
The scientists are quite delighted by the implied destruction of this little rhyming composition. It has been added to the growing list of tag lines on the front page.
The forum has spoken. Five cleverly thought up tag lines have been nominated for the final round of judgement. One will make it to the front page.
What's your vote for the next TankTrouble tag line?
As the Intern was cleaning the underground corridors the vacuum cleaner lost suction. After thorough inspection the scientists' verdict was unambiguously clear: The laboratory's 1952 vacuum cleaner was finally full. Unaware that the dust bag could simply be replaced, Dimitri decided to solve the problem by upgrading the vacuum cleaner with an onboard trash compactor - a powerful one as it turned out. And when the Intern proceeded with his duties, the radioactive smut in the corridors got compacted into rock-like stuff. We have dubbed it Dimitrium.
Dimitri believes Dimitrium is the key to unlimited unsustainable energy that he has been searching for since he invented the Death Ray. Therefore he has opened a shop hoping to lure you to exchange the Dimitrium you find in the mazes for some cool tank swag salvaged by the scavenger team
Visit Dimitri's shop on tanktrouble.com
At 0900 hours, the scrapyard ran out of bits. This has resulted in some wonky behaviour to put it mildly.
Do not panic! It is quite harmless. Those of you who remember the incidents in late 2014 when scrapyard digits were on the loose and the entire laboratory evacuated know that we speak from experience.
We've got the lead scrapyard scientist on the case, but he seems to have developed a taste for Mai Tais since his trip to the Bahamas, so we have no idea how long it will take.
If you're dying to know the exact amount of scraps, head over to the BETA site where the scrapyard is counting onwards with the precision of Swiss clockwork.
And don't worry: Your scraps are still registered correctly!
We have spent the Christmas Holidays munching cookies and making room for our brand new (slightly used) nuclear reactor. Santa had to leave it outside as it wouldn't fit in the rocket silo, and it's been standing there since.
At 2000 hours we sent the intern to the surface to pick up our take-away New Years pizzas (the delivery was ridiculously expensive) and when he came back, he had an odd glow about him. Turns out that Santa forgot to put new cooling rods in the reactor before making the delivery and even the blistering cold Siberian winter couldn't stop the thing from melting down. What a bummer.
On the upside, the nuclear fallout made for the most beautiful, neon-green vista when the scientists emerged in their hazmat suits for the traditional midnight rocket extravaganza. Surrounded by fluorescent deer and squirrels and uncontrollably exploding fireworks, they thought back on the year gone by.
2016 was the year we finally passed 2 billion scraps and TankTrouble Online was released for open testing among all you wonderful guinea pigs. We promise to keep working hard on it - if we can get any sleep from this pesky glowing-in-the-dark thing we all seem to have developed. Maybe we shouldn't have eaten those pizzas.
Let's all wish each other a scrappy New Year!
We hope that your Christmas morning raid was gratifyingly lucrative. Ours was. On the surface, at the entrance to our underground laboratory, we found a giant Christmas present with a huge red ribbon (very pretty indeed) and a small note.
The note read:
"Dear Scientists,
I've been trying to deliver your Christmas present for a couple of years, but your top-secret, underground laboratory is super hard to find. Anyways, Rudolph finally tracked you down, and I hope you like what I've dropped off for you: The nuclear reactor I used at my sweatworkshop. My supply chain does not support production of nuclear reactors, so I give you a retired one of mine instead - I've decided to switch to sustainable energy anyways. It seems to be the trend these days. Also, after a minor leak from a reactor in one of my sweatworkshops back in '86, the elves now have 4 arms and work twice a fast, which will make up for the added cost of going green.
Merry Christmas boys,
Santa"
The underground laboratory is ecstatic with joy; Scientists foresee no end to the list of destructive inventions with an in-house nuclear reactor at their disposal.
With that said, all the underground scientists in Siberia, wish you a merry Christmas.
...a team of scientists located a mythical, cold-war research laboratory, believed to have been obliterated by the Soviet government. In the depths of the dusty, abandoned complex they resurrected the remains of the diabolic experiment once conceived here, codenamed TankTrouble. That is nine years ago today, exactly.
Now you might think that nine years in the Siberian underground, with no natural light, living of mostly canned food from the Cold War has reduced us to a bunch of fruitcakes. But you couldn't be more wrong. Humans are made of 70% H2O and a fruitcake is mostly flour, so it is simply not scientifically possible.
This anniversary the master chef has prepared a delicious - he claims - French dish called Délicieux Rat Frit. Last time the chef ventured of the beaten cabbage path, he burned down the cantina when flambéing pancakes so scientists look forward to supper with some anxiety.
In case we don't make it, you should know that it has been nine fantastic years - we couldn't have made it without you.
From Siberia with Love, over and out.
What's there to say besides:
Go test your mad tank-driving, bullet-dodging skills in BETA
Don't forget this is a test version of TankTrouble ONLINE. It is still in development. Therefore you might experience laggy combat, strange things or run into the odd bug. But rest assured, the scientists are working on it!
Note: If you made it to the end of the previous news, you are probably pleased that the underground laboratory is still operational. Luckily, the lead scientist punched in the correct launch codes and obviated a nuclear core meltdown. Hence, we will stop handing out hazmat suits today as they are no longer necessary and don't come cheap. Besides, a hazmat suit wouldn't have done much good anyhow if a nuclear core meltdown blew up the underground laboratory. We just handed them out to provide a false sense of security.
Scientists have been swatting bugs like an albino in the Amazonas, and performed round-the-clock testing to the extent, that the lab rat union is threatening to run a blockage (yes, lab rats are organised these days). And it has paid off! The never-ending OPEN BETA to-do list has been depleted, and the lead scientist will punch in the secret launch codes on Thursday at noon. The countdown is on!
Ps. the intern got the launch codes for OPEN BETA and the self-destruct codes for the laboratry's nuclear core mixed up, so we'll start handing out hazmat suits tomorrow. Be sure to come back and claim yours!
All Hallows' Eve is coming up. While you strategise on how to most efficiently loot your neighbourhood down to the last tic-tac, we suggest you suit up your tank for the job at hand. Scoot off to the garage and equip a ghastly tankcessory.
As for the scientists, the natural occurrence of supernatural odds and sods in the gloomy corridors of the underground laboratory will have to make do. We are too busy with OPEN BETA. Speaking of which, check back later today - we have more news...
While lunching the cantina's indistinguishably, grey grub of the day, the Scrapyard Scientist appeared on the intercom. He cleared his throat and solemnly announced that the Scrapyard had passed 2 billion scraps.
Normally this would call for celebration, perhaps even party hats, but all scientists are preoccupied with the imminent release of OPEN BETA. Instead scientists gave each other awkward scientist-hugs and assumed the grub shoving.
OPEN BETA is right around the corner - we will celebrate then!
Scientists claim to have glimpsed the bottom of the never-ending to-do list for Open BETA. They speculate the end is near, and reckon Open BETA is imminent. Sales of BETA Memberships have been suspended. Stay posted!
If you are lucky enough to have a BETA Membership you will keep it - it's yours for life. When TankTrouble Online is released the BETA site will close again, only open for BETA Members to test the scientists' newest inventions as development goes on.
What is Open BETA?
TankTrouble Online is being developed and tested on a special BETA site. The BETA site is normally for BETA Members only. Now the development is reaching its final stage, and scientists believe it is safe to open BETA up for everyone - that is OPEN BETA.
In the early 60s, in the midst of the Space Race, confidential intel reported that the Soviets had built a computer that would change the world order: the Randomizer-3000. A single photo was leaked but it was never confirmed that it was in fact the fabled machine, and hence the story faded into history and became no more than a myth. Until now...
On a two-day mission to the outer sections of the vast, unexplored, underground laboratory, the scavenger team came across a rusty blast door. Using Dimitri's Fahrenheit 666 rocket fuelled flamethrower (recently tested in the Cantina) they quickly gained access. The dim light from the glowing remains of the door revealed an empty room except for one dusty object placed in the centre. The team hit the lightswitch and in the flickering light from a single fluorescent tube, they realised what they had found: The Randomizer-3000. The legend was real!
Back in the main quarters, scientists powered up the machine. It turns out that all it does is random calculations. No wonder the Soviets scrapped it. Anyway, we hooked it up to Online BETA and new users can now enjoy its unsurpassed wits when in need of a tank name.
Scientists have swatted the notorious control bug, that consumed Qs in the chat and caused controls to switch from arrow keys to WASD.
Tanks have also been rearranged so that all player names are visible in even the most crowded mazes.
Scientists have deployed extensive updates to Online BETA - from the frontier of the mazes to the core systems in the engine room - to accommodate fundamental changes to the player connection system. The new key features are:
Up to 3 players on the same computer - just like on the regular site, but now in online battles!
Guest players - if your friends do not have BETA access they can join you anyway on the same computer.
Numerous other updates have been installed too; like in-game garage access with instant tank updating, a weapons stack display, a custom TankTrouble font, and a completely redesigned sign-up process. That, and many more goodies are now ready for testing on TankTrouble Online BETA.
At noon all scientists were summoned in the cantina to find the winners of the poster competition. With many great posters to choose from it was a difficult task, but after hours of voting the scientists came to a decision. The winners are:
- O' Siberia, home of the secret underground laboratory,
1st prize goes to Texanoo
- Laika looks like she needs major service,
2nd prize goes to dragonstorm3000
- Laika gives you the evil stare,
3rd prize goes to rattlesniper
Congratulations to the winners and a big thanks to everyone who sent us their posters. The underground cantina looks much better now.
On Friday the scientists will have a rare break, which we will spend in the cantina studying the submissions for the poster competition and voting for the best ones. If you haven't sent us your poster yet, hurry up - you can still make it! Tomorrow, Thursday the 12th of May, is the last chance!
Read all about the competition and the great prizes here.
Important message for tanks owners with more than one tank:
On May 1st we will unregister all duplicate email addresses. If you have two or more tanks using the same email, you should log in with all your tanks now, and make sure they use different emails - here's how.
Q: What happens if I do nothing?
A: If you have more tanks using the same email, we will unregister all emails except on the tank that was most recently logged in.
Q: Will you delete tanks?
A: No. And you will still be able log in even if the email was unregistered.
Q: So why bother changing the email?
A: Because if you forget your password and don't have an email registered, the tank is lost forever - not even the scientists can help you!
Q: How fast can a T-Rex say hotdog?
A: Good question but that's off-topic.
Submissions for the poster competition are already starting to tick into the laboratory's mailbox, and the Intern is preoccupied printing them and hanging them up. The cantina is starting to look great! We want to cover the whole cantina with posters, so if you haven't submitted one yet, here's some ideas to get you started:
A poster with your tank battling in the mazes... scientists working... Dimitri inventing a new weapon... the Scrapyard Scientist on vacation... dangers in the unexplored, secret corridors of the underground laboratory... Laika in action... the Intern in an accident about to happen... cunning lab rats in the test facility...
You can draw your poster by hand, design it on a computer, or both, and you may mix in graphics from TankTrouble.com if you like. And if you have already submitted one poster, don't let that stop you - you can submit as many posters as you like!
There's still plenty of time, but remember: We must have your poster by the 12th of May at the latest! Read all the details and check out the great prizes in the news below.
After a scavenge team returned from remote sections of the vast, unexplored underground complex with a fancy, French cookbook, the laboratory's master chef decided to branch off his field of expertise - cabbage and borscht - to explore the delights of French cuisine. Inexperienced in the exquisite art of flambéing pancakes, he borrowed Dimitri's latest prototype; the Fahrenheit 666 rocket fuelled flamethrower, which had never been tested for small cantina-use. After an impressive display of fiery mayhem that would have made even the most hardened pyrotechnician wet his bed, the cantina and everything in it was left pretty crispy. It will probably be a while before the master chef ventures away from Soviet evergreens again. Especially considering how hard it is to flip pancakes in a full body cast. But let's get to the point:
We need your help to redecorate the walls in the cantina with awesome TankTrouble propoganda posters!
Draw, create and make the coolest TankTrouble poster you can imagine.
It can picture anything you like about TankTrouble!
It can be any size you prefer.
Email your TankTrouble poster to [email protected] or send it to: ADDRESS REDACTED
We must have your submission by Thursday the 12th of May where the Scientists will pick the 3 most awesome posters. Great prizes are at stake!
And the winner is Firestorm16 with...
Chalk up some kills, improve your skills
The underground laboratory is proud to have been the source of inspiration for these poetic words. We have added the tag to the front page where it will randomly pop up.
Again this year, another, unofficial tag competition was held in the forum. Maybe it is becoming a tradition? We don't know, but we scientists just love that kind of initiative so we have decided to honour the best one this year too!
What should be the next, official TankTrouble tag?
Do you have 2 tanks or more? If yes, then you must read this:
From May 1st TankTrouble will allow only 1 tank per email address. If you have 2 or more tanks using the same email address, you must change the duplicate addresses now! Here's how:
The details: On May 1st all duplicate email addresses will be deleted. That is, if you have 2 or more tanks that are using the same email address, only the tank that most recently logged in will keep its email address; the other tanks' email addresses will be deleted. No accounts will be deleted. You will still be able to log in with all your accounts even if their email was deleted, but if you forget their passwords there will be no way to retrieve them.
Scientists are thrilled to see so many players show interest for Online BETA and decided to increase the prizes and give away 25 BETA Memberships. The Intern randomly picked the lucky winners. Congratulations:
TechnoRazor, sefu9090, mikeel, KD7, MixuQ, royalty37, Pokololoa, deadshoter, bloonblaster, 123aco, PinoyKami, 7777lSamVTA, sheroz12, BrannocZombie, snowmanhill1, KG_Steve, RoadOfFury, domo12, horsehead123, bl4ckf4lc0n62, mainmanj, Killraa, MISSAEL21, Texanoo and wwm0nkey
Moments before the test of the laser yesterday, the Intern had returned to the mirror dome to retrieve his transistor radio that had kept him company during the long, lonely and tedious months of polishing. Unaware of the presence of living tissue in the test dome, lead weapons scientist Dimitri discharged the laser just as the Intern was folding up the antenna - a most unfortunate timing.
The condition of the transistor radio is critical but stable. The antenna looks like marshmallow struck by lightning and the circuit board resembles a post-apocalyptic pizza. It is doubtful that it will ever be able to pick up another FM frequency. On the bright side the batteries won't need recharging this millennium.
The Intern is okay. Mostly. He has temporarily lost his eyesight.
However, we will make the most of the unfortunate situation and have him draw the winners of the BETA Membership competition thereby avoiding any speculation that they were not drawn completely randomly.
We draw the winners of the BETA Membership this evening. They will be contacted on Facebook and once we have their TankTrouble usernames the lucky winners will be officially announced.
If you haven't joined the competition yet, hurry up to Facebook now! You can still make it! Good luck everyone.
The weapons division has been working on a laser for Online BETA. For test purposes a specially designed mirror dome was built and the Intern was tasked with polishing the hundreds of mirrors. Now, this morning, after months of development and polishing, lead weapons scientist Dimitri discharged the laser and observed, from behind his safety goggles, the beam bounce to perfection.
Unfortunately, this left the dome smudged in soot and with the prospect of waiting months for the Intern to polish the mirrors again, we have decided to skip further testing and release the laser without further ado and fingers crossed.
Go to Online BETA now and discharge a laser today!
The development of Online BETA is progressing as planned and now we need more testers. On Friday (February 5th) we draw 10 lucky winners of a TankTrouble BETA Membership.
See how you enter the competition on Facebook.
In TankTrouble Online players from all over the world will be able to meet in epic, online battles. It is currently in development so you cannot play online just yet. The laboratory is working their socks off but no release date has been set. TankTrouble Online will be FREE!
Online BETA is a test version of TankTrouble Online. We have allowed a few players to access this test version. They are called BETA Testers. As we develop new stuff, like weapons and such, we take it for a test-drive on tanktrouble.com. Here BETA Testers help the developers test the new stuff and find bugs before it is released to everyone. If you wish to join the BETA Club, you can purchase membership in the shop.
At 2400 hours we launched the old, left-over Cold-War missile that we used for our Christmas tree. For a little while the gloomy Siberian sky was lit up by fragments of glittering baubles and sparkling tinsels during which we took a moment to recap the bygone year.
In April 2015 we kicked off the development of TankTrouble Online. On July 10th, after months of hard work, we were ready to launch a test version: Online BETA. Then TankTrouble scientists were joined by the team of BETA testers. They bravely ventured into unknown mazes of online destruction and commenced relentless testing and bug reporting, while the scientists installed improvements and continued the development. However, bringing destruction online turned out to be a much bigger endeavour than we anticipated and launch has been postponed for now.
So when will TankTrouble Online launch? The short answer is, we do not dare to guess but there is only one thing on the plate for 2016 and we will work our socks off to get there: Unleash TankTrouble Online!
From the underground in Siberia we wish you all a very happy New Year!
We hope your Christmas tree is oozing merriness and teeming with explosive gifts. As we ourselves are short on trees here in the Siberian badlands we decorated an old, left-over Cold War missile instead; wrapped it in glittery garlands and mounted a star on the tip of the warhead. All things considered, it looks good and provides a jolly Christmas atmosphere. Also, the stage one rocket booster will be perfect for preparing the turkey.
We wish you all a merry Christmas.
Note to Santa: We suggest you have a word with your subcontracting courier service as it seems they have neglected Siberia once again this year. Most disappointing!
The laboratory have been eavesdropping on the battling BETA testers and this week we have completed some much-coveted improvements. The servers were just restarted and the improvements are operative. Most noteworthy:
- Kicking of inactive players: Hang around in the chat, on the forum or at your granny's - the mazes are for battles. Players that have been inactive for more than 1 minute will now automatically get the boot.
- Minimum spawn distance: No more cheap, backstabbing turbo kills! Tanks now spawn at a minimum driving distance of four tiles.
- Top-notch maze generation: Take advantage of the full maze with a new, state-of-the-art maze generation process that makes sure there are no unreachable areas.
- Teleport bug exterminated: We located and whacked the bug that caused tanks to occasionally teleport.
If you experience problems try emptying your browser's cache before calling in the cavalry. See you on Online BETA!
A long time ago, in Siberia far, far away... a secret laboratory hidden deep underground awakened an old, top secret USSR cold war project codenamed TankTrouble (Read the unofficial true story of how it all started here).
Since then the USSR government has launched countless attempts to locate and obliterate the laboratory; we have had enough scientific disasters to level the laboratory ourselves on numerous occasions; and we have survived the master chef's musk ox snacks. Yet, we persevered with development and today, exactly 8 years later, we celebrate TankTrouble's 8th anniversary.
So to everyone who have joined us on our journey (so far); we couldn't have done it without you and we are humbled by your loyalty. THANK YOU!
Jolly Christmas spirit has found its way to Online BETA; The Swag Research Team has refitted all the Christmas accessories for the new tank design. That, and the Kickstarter accessories too!
The Countdown has Begun! Now a hard month of chowing down frosted cookies and roller-coasting blood sugar levels lies ahead. To ease the process the TankTrouble Swag Research Team has prepared an Advent calendar with jolly Christmas accessories. Log in every day to collect them all or the ones you are missing!
Note to Santa: We are still waiting on that nuclear reactor!
The Online BETA Weekend panned out successfully. Brave testers from all over the planet battled fiercely while TankTrouble scientists monitored the server load intensely. The servers pulled through without breaking a sweat. However, the test did reveal a few ungreased gears and thus we remain submerged deep into the core of the online servers greasing up for the next big test. We expect to surface with more news soon!
The scientists have now temporarily opened Online BETA for all players! But beware: TankTrouble Online BETA is work in progress. Venturing into the glitchy bits and bytes of the Online BETA servers puts your tank at great risk. That's why we're handing out hazmat suits to everyone the entire weekend - log in now to claim yours! Keep your head down and expect things to blow up left and right!
Before TankTrouble Online BETA opens temporarily this weekend, there are a few things to keep in mind.
- This BETA weekend is first and foremost a test. The online servers have only ever been exposed to a few BETA testers. Now we need to see how they perform under pressure. Most likely they will crash.
- TankTrouble Online is in BETA; it is work in progress, not everything is implemented yet and bugs do occur!
- To avoid a complete meltdown we have capped the number of simultaneously running battles on each server at 5, for starters. There will not be room for everyone.
Scientists keep their fingers crossed, lab rats fear the worst, and the Intern says he will not touch anything. See you online!
Up until now, the Online BETA servers have only been exposed to a limited and exclusive group of BETA testers, while TankTrouble scientists have been deploying improvements, fixing bugs and tweaking tweakable stuff. Now it is time to see if the nuts and bolt have been tightened enough.
Next weekend
- Friday Oct 30th to Sunday Nov 1st -
we temporarily open Online BETA for all players!
The Laboratory has submerged deep into core components of the Online BETA servers. We have been doing lots of cleaning up of code and optimising, and the servers are now running as smooth as Dimitri's bald spot - almost (nothing's really that smooth). Besides loads of under-the-hood server optimisations, we did implement some groovy, new features. We especially like:
- The Garage featuring - for starters - the BETA accessories!
- Explosive scores that explode!
- Groovy Terminator and Dominator badges that will command respect!
- The good ol' Scrapyard is back - now continuing the counting on Online BETA.
And we swatted bugs left and right. The most notorious were:
- A nasty bug that caused your tank to sometimes appear twice.
- The occasional appearance of mysterious black boxes.
And the winner is...
Home to tanks of weapons 'n' wits, watch out - you'll be blown to bits!
Poetry of destruction and ear candy to TankTrouble scientists! We have added this rhyming tag line to the front page where it will randomly pop up.
An unofficial tag line competition has taken place on the forum and 3 finalists were picked. In the underground laboratory we think they hit the TankTrouble spirit bullseye. Now we want to make the best one official.
Which tag line do YOU like best?
Resting on laurels is not on the Laboratory's to-do list so last week we soldiered on with performance improvements. This morning we deployed some serious ones along with a bunch of new features.
Performance improvements:
- Major graphics rendering optimisation
- Major memory usage optimisation
New features:
- Tank names appear at battle start so you know who's who
- Chat bubble appear in game when tanks chat
- Improved username outline (now bright usernames are readable too)
- Tweaked chat colours
- Press Enter from the lobby to start chatting
- Wall of Fame
It should come as no surprise that we will not be ready to unleash TankTrouble Online in June as originally announced...umm, eh, especially since we are now in July. Whichever scientist said June must have had his turret on backwards.
Although Online BETA is looking good and many improvements have already been deployed there is still a great deal of work to be done. Scientists are therefore hesitant to announce a final release date just yet.
Although tank owners have very little patience in regards to destruction we thank you for whatever little you may have.
Players who were late to the TankTrouble Kickstarter campaign, who crave the great rewards that were offered, and who want to support the development of TankTrouble Online, behold! In the Laboratory's new shop you can get BETA access, tank swag, cool wearables and more! And, the selection will grow concurrently with the continuous development of TankTrouble Online. Browse now!
The Online BETA servers have survived their first week in actual combat. Brave beta testers from around the world and scientists from the Siberian underground have butted barrels in online mazes for the first time. Battles have run largely untroubled with only spasmodic lag. Though there's still lots of room for improvements it has already proven to be good, solid fun!
The scrupulous party of beta testers have searched nooks and crannies for bugs, and while they have added some oddities to the list, they have not been able to crash the servers. Not even once! In fact, it has been a very smooth BETA release (TankTrouble history considering) and we will soon be ready to onboard more beta testers. If you are interested, keep a weather eye on the Kickstarter Latecomers' Shop.
In the coming week the Laboratory will mainly work on performance improvements.
Today is an important milestone in the development of TankTrouble Online (and in the history of destruction in general) as we open Online BETA to the brave beta testers. We would never have made it this far without your encouraging support and unwavering enthusiasm. The Laboratory pays you homage.
As the unsullied, untested servers have never seen real combat and are oblivious to the unrivalled destruction about to descend on them, we must vigilantly ease them into battle. That is why only a small party of beta testers can access ...for now!
Non-believers, infidels and impatient tank owners, rest assured! There are no flying pigs in the Laboratory and though it is cold in the Siberian underground it has not yet frozen! Nonetheless, Online BETA is open!
Important Note
Only players who pledged for beta access during the TankTrouble Kickstarter campaign can access it. Players who missed the Kickstarter will be able to purchase access in the soon-to-open Kickstarter Latecomers' Shop.
Online BETA is "just" the first, early test of TankTrouble Online. Many features are still in development and brave beta testers are expected to encounter oddities as they daringly venture into online mazes to help locate bugs and suggest improvements. Therefore, we need to carefully gauge the number of beta players to avoid crashing the servers while we are still developing. Consequently, only players who pledged for beta access during the Kickstarter campaign will have access ...for now!
Players who missed the Kickstarter but simply must have beta access, fear not! You will be able to purchase access in the soon-to-open Kickstarter Latecomers' Shop.
When we are ready to release TankTrouble Online, everyone will have access.
Online BETA Features
Tomorrow:
- Online Battles - sweet bananas!
- Servers in USA, Europe and East Asia
- In-game chat system - shoot first, chat later
- New improved tank design prepped for accessories extravaganza
- A groovy TankTrouble tune straight from the depths of the Siberian underground
In development:
- Developers' forum for beta players
- Tankcessories (including the exclusive Beta accessory box)
- Mobile and tablet support
- Multiplayer on the same computer
- New score and experience system
Not forgotten but postponed for now:
- Weapons (all weapons need to be rebuilt from scratch and we will do that in time - for now smooth online battles is our highest priority)
- Laika - the beloved and infamous space dog
Ever since we blew our optimistic deadline for Online BETA in the end of April we have been swatting enough bugs to make the 8th plague of Egypt look like a picnic. While we regret this delay, we are excited to announce that we finally got the better of them.
Online BETA will launch this Friday at 1100 hours UTC!
Important Note
We need to carefully gauge the number of online players while the servers are young in order to not crash them. Therefore, only players who pledged for beta access during the TankTrouble Kickstarter campaign will have access at this time.
Since the last status update we have been exterminating server bugs. Now the server is ready and eager to be swarmed by a horde of brave beta testers. However, we are still working on a few incomplete and essential features for the game lobby. Like e.g. letting tanks join battles and create new battles.
As we missed our optimistic deadline once already, we won't venture to proclaim a new unleash date. Instead we ask you only to arm yourself with a little patience (although we'll be the first to admit how hard that is!).
BETA is imminent - keep a weather eye on the news!
Latecomers to the TankTrouble Kickstarter have been pleading with us to make the rewards available again. Therefore, as promised, we are launching a latecomers' shop. All support for the development of online battles is highly appreciated and we are only happy to satisfy merchandise craving tank owners. The shop will be opening soon!
If you don't know what the TankTrouble Kickstarter is all about you can find out here. Remember, the Kickstarter has ended! If you want to get your hands on any of the sweet rewards you must wait for the shop to open.
It comes as no surprise that the online beast is a hard one to rein. Combined with our, TankTrouble Laboratories', never failing optimism when it comes to posing deadlines it has put us slightly behind schedule. We still struggle to weed out a few hard to catch bugs but we are getting excitingly close to unleash BETA.
BETA ACCESS: Just around the corner • ONLINE UNLEASH: June
We get daily requests from players that missed the Kickstarter campaign for another way to get hold of those great rewards. Fear not! We are setting up a soon-to-be-announced shop for latecomers.
We have recieved test samples of all the Kickstarter rewards and they just look awesome! So we started shipping the mugs, T-shirts and hoodies today. If you pledged for any of those you can start watching out for the mail man - sweet swag is coming your way!
It's been 10 days since we commenced the full-time development of TankTrouble online battles. And we have made progress and lots of it: We are now conducting smooth test battles on a far-away, remote server. We have ironed out almost all lag and we will continue to make it even smoother. Next up we will build the new user interface. We are on schedule!
BETA ACCESS: End of April • ONLINE UNLEASH: June
Although we underground scientists are usually too busy to celebrate, this special day called for an exception. All scientists gathered in the stolovaya where the laboratory master chef had prepared some nasty musk ox snacks. Also, the intern had found a box of party hats. At 1200 hours, the Kickstarter was officially funded and the scientists could no longer contain themselves. They burst into spontaneous polka dancing and singing:
♫ - O' Lab rats fear not gettin' sacked ♪
The online battles Kickstarter just got backed!
♪ There's lots of explosions, work and mishaps ahead
Online battles will be the best thing since sliced bread ♫ ♪
♪ - We are forever grateful to our amazing fans
And will now live of expired musk ox milk from cans ♪ ♫
♪ Until we bring online destruction to the globe
♪ ♫ And fulfill all of our shared dreams and hope ♪ ♪ ♫ ♪
From the bottom of our warm fuzzy hearts we are deeply thankful for your unwavering support. We can't wait to get started!
Saturday night the Kickstarter reached 100% funding. The entire underground laboratory is in the clouds, rapturous with joy. Now all the scientists are itching to commence the work.
A big thank-you goes out to all of you dedicated TankTroublers who have helped us get this far! And if YOU haven't got the exclusive Kickstarter accessories yet yourself, fear not! There's still time:
This latest update adds a news menu so that you can keep up to date with all the latest from our secret, underground laboratory. It also incorporates a completely new rendering engine and some minor bug fixes, to allow for uninterrupted chaos and destruction.
This morning the lead scientist of online battles opened a can of musk ox milk and drenched his cornflakes. While chowing down breakfast he routinely checked Kickstarter for new backers but was then suddenly paralysed in shock.
At first we thought he was overly surprised to see that the Kickstarter had mysteriously been 96% funded overnight, but later we found out that the canned musk ox milk had expired in 1957.
Fortunately, the scientist soon recovered and everybody in the secret, underground laboratory marvelled at the new mystery backer:
An anonymous backer has pledged an astounding $3500! Whoever you are, we are eternally thankful!
The future of online battles instantly looks much brighter! With 6 days left and only about $350 short, we are so close! Help us go all the way!
Go to Kickstarter and help now
What is a Kickstarter?
A Kickstarter is a way to crowd-fund a project. We will surrender all our time to develop online battles but we are going to need financial support, too. By supporting our Kickstarter campaign you can help. And you will get awesome rewards too!
Check out www.kickstarter.com
After multiple inquries from backers desiring the black hoodie worn by Purup in the Kickstarter video, we decided to make it a reward. Claim one of these awesome hoodies today!
The time has finally come to launch our Kickstarter for bringing TankTrouble online! We are very grateful for the support shown by you. Together, we will certainly be able to let TankTrouble players from all over the world battle it out online. Once again, we thank you for making TankTrouble friendly and welcoming, and for keeping the game alive! Now, go get those amazing rewards!
Unfortunately, our original countdown turned out to be faster than Kickstarter's approval time. Hence, we had to put the countdown on hold. We regret this little hiccup and eat humble pie. But now...
KICKSTARTER HAS APPROVED OUR PROJECT
and has given the laboratory full control to launch at will!
Although we underground scientists have self-discipline like a T-Rex in a hotdog stand, we shall contain ourselves. So we have set back the countdown to give everyone a chance to be there when we launch.
We launch on Monday at 1200 hours UTC!
Please help bring TankTrouble online and prepare yourself for some awesome rewards!
We are very sorry to announce that the Kickstarter for online battles has been postponed for a little bit. This means that we have stopped the countdown temporarily.
The reason for all this trouble is simply that we have underestimated the time it would take for Kickstarter to approve our project. We are doing everything we can to get that countdown ticking again! As soon as we know more, we will let you know.
Thanks for your patience!
We have followed YOUR suggestions for rewards intensely and now we believe we are ready to Kickstart! Stay posted for a more detailed description of the awesome rewards we have planned!
The countdown has already begun and we are getting all our dogs in a row for the grand launch this Friday. We really need YOUR support to make TankTrouble Online Battles happen!
What is a Kickstarter?
A Kickstarter is a way to crowd-fund a project. We will surrender all our time to develop online battles but we are going to need financial support, too. By supporting our Kickstarter campaign you can help. And you will get awesome rewards too!
Check out www.kickstarter.com
The Kickstarter reward sneak peek has revealed some sweet-looking tankcessory crates.
Which crate do you think contains the best swag?
Thanks for all the great suggestions for Kickstarter rewards. We have been following the discussions on the forum closely and we think you will just love the stuff we have built. Here's a little sneak peek...
...and this is just for starters! Launch is imminent! Stand by!
What is a Kickstarter?
A Kickstarter is a way to crowd-fund a project. We will surrender all our time to develop online battles but we are going to need financial support, too. By supporting our Kickstarter campaign you can help. And you will get awesome rewards too!
Check out www.kickstarter.com
We are pleased to announce that after 47 hours and roughly 347.2 meters of tape, the intern finished mending the last questionnaire two hours ago. We immediately fed them to the Turbo-Bit-Analytics machine (aka. TBA).
TBA made its computations unexpectedly speedy:
"CHANCE OF SUCCESSFUL KICKSTARTER: 92% YES AND 3% YOGHURT"
The support and willingness to help the development of online battles is beyond what any scientist could have hoped for. We are wholeheartedly honored! Therefore it is with great excitement that we hereby announce that...
WE WILL DO A KICKSTARTER TO DEVELOP ONLINE BATTLES
The Kickstarter campaign will start soon.
Stay posted!
What is a Kickstarter?
A Kickstarter is a way to crowd-fund a project. We will surrender all our time to develop online battles but we are going to need financial support, too. By supporting our Kickstarter campaign you can help. And you will get awesome rewards too!
Check out www.kickstarter.com
After a week of intense computing the Turbo-Bit-Analytics machine was ready to reveal its answer this morning - are online battles feasible or not? Too excited to learn the answer to this paramount question, the scientists gulped down breakfast faster than a T-Rex can say hotdog and then hurried to the analytics room.
They were most disheartened to find out that the intern, who was responsible for inputting the questionnaire answers, had mistaken the Turbo-Bit-Analytics machine for the office shredder (with all those answers we got, no wonder it took a week).
But all is not lost! We have provided the intern with tape and expect to be ready to feed the actual Turbo-Bit-Analytics machine the questionnaires tomorrow. Unfortunately, this means We will have to wait another day or two for this most important answer.
The Turbo-Bit-Analytics machine is still chewing on the answers from the questionnaire. Admittedly, it is not as top-notch as we first assumed (we found it scavenging unexplored parts of our underground laboratory). With tense excitement we await for it to forecast the future of online battles.
Meanwhile, check out this cool animation: The Story of Laika.
Created by a dedicated fan!
The online battles questionnaire is now closed for submissions.
We have received a lot more answers than we expected. There is much eager enthusiasm and great willingness to support the development. And that is just AWESOME! Because the future of online battles depends on YOU!
Now we will feed all your answers into our Turbo-Bit-Analytics machine. It will compute the development route to online battles with the highest probability of success. The underground laboratory awaits this computation with great anticipitation. Stay tuned!
Will TankTrouble have online battles in 2015? It is up to YOU!
Help the underground scientists by filling in the online questionnaire. Heaps of players have already submitted their answers so we will be closing the questionnaire sometime tommorrow. If you have not yet submitted your answers, do so now!
After years of destruction our servers were cluttered with old records and logs. This has shackled the server performance in balls and chains for too long. It was time to purge the dusty archives, so we tasked the intern with this undertaking.
While cleaning he managed to crash the servers multiple times over the last couple of hours. Because of this, your kills and experience may or may not have been recorded in this period! The Intern sends his sincere apologies.
We should have known better than to leave that featherbrain unattended with the servers. We should now be back to normal again.
The intern has made a visualisation of what online battles might look like. It makes rush hour in the tubes of London underground seem like a tranquil, relaxing experience. Online battles will be intense!
If you want an action-packed desktop you can download the wallpaper here.
Speaking of online battles; have you filled in the online battles questionnaire yet? It will help us tremendously in finally bringing TankTrouble online. So if you haven't already, please do!
Click here if you have one minute to answer a few simple questions
More and more players join TankTrouble from all over the world. And here in the underground laboratory it is our biggest dream to join everyone in awesome, fun online battles.
Those of you who have been around long enough know that we have attempted online battles before. And failed. Now we are smarter and stronger (and more handsome) and we will succeed - may the gods of destruction descend upon us if we don't. Making TankTrouble online is going to be difficult. We will need YOUR help!
Click here if you have one minute to answer a few simple questions
The past few days TankTrouble has been swamped with new players from all over the world. Never before have we seen this many players online at the same time.
This has brought our brand new server to its knees. The website has been extraordinarily slow - sometimes to the point that loading it required more patience than eating pea soup with chopsticks - a level of patience that fans of blowing up tanks rarely possess.
We have tweaked, fine tuned and made sacrifices to the gods. Now it looks like our new server handles mass destruction too.
We are delighted to have these kinds of problems - bring 'em!
As 2014 is about to become history, jovial spirits and cheerfulness have filled the corridors of our otherwise cold and aloof underground laboratory. For this year's trivia, our database expert has extracted that this year we have destroyed 276.658.565 tanks. That is 8.7 tank per second, all year round, 24 hours a day, day and night! That makes the Big Bang sound like a Chinese firecracker!
Looking ahead into 2015 we have some very serious plans! We will tell you all about them later. Because, tonight we devote our time to confetti, silly paper hats and the unexploded nuclear device we found on our latest scavenger hunt in the unexplored parts of our underground laboratory. And, of course, blowing up tanks on our brand new TankTrouble iOS app!
Yes, you heard that right, we are so excited to announce that TankTrouble is back on iOS featuring Laika and four weapon powerups! And if you own an Android device, do not fear, you have not been forgotten: an update has just been rolled out bringing the RC Missile and Laser powerups to your device! So get your New Year off to a banging start and get TankTrouble for your mobile device now!
We still have not received the nuclear reactor we ordered from Santa for Christmas in 2012. We got word from him that he was sorry to be out of stock. Then in 2013 Rudolf refused delivery due to new reindeer union regulations on overweight. So from the bottom of our warm scientist hearts we sincerely hope that Santa have sorted these issues out this Christmas.
From our secret laboratory in the cold Siberian underground with eggnog in our mustaches and gingerbread between our teeth we wish you all a very merry Christmas.
Today it is exactly 7 years since TankTrouble first emerged from the Siberian underground. To celebrate this special day, we have dropped a double ration of dog treats into shaft G-4 (for Laika) and allowed the lab rats half a day off. As for the scientists and tanktroublers, we have treated ourselves with an early Christmas present: A brand new, lightning fast server.
The ever growing junta of tanktroublers have pushed our server to its limits. This has caused TankTrouble to load very slowly during peak destruction hours. Now those days are over. Our brand new server is so fast it will make Darth Vader think hyperspeed is a drag. So who cares that we had to pawn our souls to the Devil to be able to afford it.
On behalf of all the scientists:
Thank you for making it all worthwhile!
During peak destruction hours more than 37 tanks are blown up per second. The old Scrapyard was never built for this swoopingly fast destruction and it simply could not keep up any more. What an awesome problem!
We have greased the wheels, polished the appearance and we now challenge you to make it fall behind again!
The Scrapyard scientist got his tan lines and priorities straightened out and he is now back from The Bahamas. With his brilliant Scrapyard expertise, we were soon able to contain the spill over digits. We breathe a sigh of relief as we conclude: TankTrouble is back to normal.
Tank owners who have managed to collect glitchy tankcessories will keep those. And should you want to expand your collection, we have left the secret backdoors ajar...
While we wait for the Scrapyard scientist to return from The Bahamas we have put the collective power of all the brainy brains in the laboratory together and come up with an elegant, temporary fix. The counting must go on!
The location of our underground laboratory is top secret, so we never get any mail and therefore we never empty the mailbox. However, the intern ordered some C4 on Amazon and had it shipped directly. Apparently he did not get the top-secret-location-memo... Anyways, when he emptied the mailbox, he found a postcard. It had been sitting there for years and as it turns out, it is from our very own, missing Scrapyard scientist whom we assumed to be devoured by Laika!
The content of the postcard is classified but we can disclose the last passage:
...after feeding Laika I decided to spend some flex time and go chill on a beach. Meanwhile, I hope you find the secret backdoors I've implemented to avoid the inevitable Scrapyard apocalypse. I'm working on my tan lines and will return to the underground laboratory shortly.
Your's sincerely,
The Scrapyard scientist
Ps. When you cannot sleep, count some sheep. 50's my high, give it a try!
This is good news and we look forward to have him back underground.
The spillover digits that did not fit the Scrapyard when we hit 1.000.000.000 destroyed tanks remain loose on the servers. This is causing things to behave most unexpectedly: The Scrapyard has gone bananas and there are reports of glitchy tankcessories in the Garage. Scientists believe this to be only moderately dangerous. They are doing everything they can to contain the extra digits and bring TankTrouble back to normal.
After 24 hours crammed together in the hermetically sealed, maximum security bunker staring at the scrapyard counting down towards the apocalypse through the steamed-up glasses of our boiling-hot hazmat suits, we developed a great sympathy for shrimp. But one of the scientists has seafood allergies so the cantina rarely serves shrimp anyway.
And so, even though the impending apocalypse was only a few scraps away, the thought of it was almost relieving.
At 0400 hours we received a cryptic message from The Bahamas on our fax: ██████
At 0600 hours Dimitri found a stash of canned beans.
At 0700 hours the intern failed to restrain some natural gasses which was consequently released into the re-breather of his suit.
But let's get to the point:
At 1630 hours Siberian main time, the Scrapyard made it to . The scientists held their breath (the intern too, but for health reasons mostly) while awaiting the silence to be replaced by the deafening sound of doom.
But the gods of destruction must have had a keen eye on our laboratory and postponed the apocalypse. And as we realised that our underground laboratory was still intact, we hasted back to the control room to find that something had gone terribly wrong. The extra digits that did not fit in the Scrapyard are now unleashed on the servers causing long forgotten pixels from the early days of computing to resurface. This is causing all sorts of bizarre glitches.
The scientists are doing everything they can to contain the loose bits. Stay tuned!
The Scrapyard is now less than 1 million short of running out of digits. And yet it ticks faster than ever towards its own apocalypse. Our Turbo-Bit-Analytics machine estimates that we will impact 1B in less than 24 hours!
At this point, the search team has abandoned all hope of ever recovering the original Scrapyard source code. Therefore, it is with grim determination that all TankTrouble scientists (and lab rats) have decided to evacuate into the maximum security bunker. Hopefully, we will be safe there when the lab rat poop hits the air duct fan (metaphorically speaking, that is).
In your Garage you will find a hazmat suit. We strongly advise that you suit up immediately!
Thank you for all the scraps. See you on the other side!
The Scrapyard ticks relentlessly onwards toward what might turn out to be the end of days...
Or at least the end of TankTrouble... Or both!
The search team has been desperately combing all the known sectors of our underground laboratory in order to locate a shred of the original Scrapyard source code. So far their efforts have been futile. And while time is running out, the laboratory is vast and many of the subterranean levels remain completely uncharted. The light at the end of the laboratory corridor is fading, so to speak.
The search team did come across a hazmat airlock with quite a few intact-looking suits. These suits might come in handy if everything goes haywire.
We will be handing them out, starting when the Scrapyard reaches 999 million. Be sure to log in then to claim yours!
The Scrapyard is now only 5 millions short of reaching 1B and thereby running out of digits.
This is a major concern to the scientists. We do not know where that extra digit will go when it will not fit in the Scrapyard. If not contained it could cause irreversible damage as it pootles around on the servers.
To prevent this from happening it is critical that we find the original source code.
Unfortunately, the scientist who made the Scrapyard has not been seen for five years. As our search team went through the stuff in his office, we found his old to-do list. It confirms the grim suspicion that we are unlikely to ever find the source code.
What will happen when we reach 1.000.000.000? Will it be the end of TankTrouble?
Stand by for more news soon!
Our topnotch Turbo-Bit-Analytics machine has now spent several days crunching on the question of when the Scrapyard will reach one billion. Just a few minutes ago, the dot matrix printer spat out the result of this extremely complex computation. First of all, the machine thinks that it is very likely that the Scrapyard will indeed flip its final digit at some point in the future. At least that's how we interpret the first line of its output:
"97% YES AND 3% MAYBE"
Secondly, the next few lines seem to indicate that it will happen pretty soon:
"604.821.347,1 MS"
"604.821.351,3 MS"
We think this means that the Scrapyard will run out anywhere between 604.821.347,1 milliseconds and 604.821.351,3 milliseconds from now, which our top mathematicians estimate to be sometime next Sunday!
The laboratory is in a state of near-panic as the lead Scrapyard scientist has not been seen since he went to feed Laika five years ago. His office looks like it has been empty for quite some time judging by the amount of lab rats that have moved in. They have chewed on all the circuitry of his terminal and we have been unable to locate the Scrapyard source code anywhere.
The situation is starting to become critical...
Tonight we celebrate the undead whilst devouring bucketloads of sweets. Or so we thought... Unfortunately, the lab rats located our candy stash and only left the chocolate bunnies we didn't finish at Easter; candy soliciting in the corridors of the laboratory will be a disillusioning experience this year. We hope you have better luck.
And if you haven't already, hurry to the Garage and claim some creepy swag. At midnight evil will retire leaving our secret underground laboratory as dark, creepy and untenanted as when it came. Just like a secret laboratory is supposed to be!
Happy Halloween!
The Scrapyard is counting faster than ever and just a few hours ago, we realized that there are less than ten million explosions left before we reach the staggering number of one billion scrapped tanks!
The Scrapyard was never built to display this insane amount of destruction and the lead scientists worry what will happen when that final number flips and the Scrapyard runs out of digits. The circuits on the counter have already started to look red hot and sparks are flying everywhere from the capacitors.
To calm our nerves and get some answers, we have put our topnotch analyst and his Turbo-Bit-Analytics thingamajig on the case. He is busy feeding all of our destructive data into the very sophisticated and complex forecast algorithms to predict the exact time of the event. We expect to hear back from him in a few days.
As proud, no-nonsense TankTrouble scientists we tend to only believe in things that leave a crater. However, we cannot ignore the recent, extraordinarily high readings of paranormal activity as we approach All Hallow's eve. Rather than performing a cumbersome exorcism of the creepy ghouls that have once again emerged from the cracks of our secret, underground laboratory, we locked them in the Garage.
Go there now to claim some supernatural tankcessories and get a head start on this year's trick 'r treatin'!
At our weekly damage assessment, err... performance review, the TankTrouble Mobile Division were excited to see that heaps of blown up tanks are already piling up in the TankTrouble Android app.
The team, not ones to rest on their laurels, have since the launch been working on bringing their favourite, destructive evergreens to mobile. They are therefore delighted to announce that TankTrouble Android now has both the Frag Bomb and the Gatling Gun for maximum mayhem!
If you haven't already, be sure to pick up TankTrouble for Android here and use these latest powerups to decimate your foes in a frenzy of bullets and shrapnel!
Rumor has it that hackers have been hijacking TankTrouble accounts. Here in the laboratory we find it hard to believe that anyone would be cable of penetrating the impenetrable Sibirian soil and our incineratingly hot firewalls and tamper with our servers. Nonetheless, we did investigate all known incidents.
TankTrouble scientists have found no evidence whatsoever that security has been breached. The so called "hackers" simply tries to guess tank owners' passwords or lure and scam unsuspecting tank owners to give up their password. So to make sure that you do not get tank-jacked:
- Make sure your password is impossible to guess (you can change it in the Garage)
- Never share your password; not with friends, not with moderators, not with grandma, not with anyone!
The most explosive, fast-paced, action-packed tank game is now available for Android devices! Battle head-to-head and navigate your tank through tricky mazes and a mayhem of bouncing bullets to outsmart your foes before they outsmart you.
Challenge your friends in local multiplayer on the same device or face the evil space dog Laika in Single Player destruction if you dare! So dust off your dodging skills and think fast before your tank is turned into shrapnel.
Rumors and speculations have it that mobile destruction is coming to Android. The TankTrouble Mobile Division is pleased to confirm this.
The TankTrouble Mobile Devision have covertly worked on mobile destruction for Android for quite a while. In late July the development entered its final stage and a beta test program was launched. Many brave TankTroublers volunteered as guinea pigs. Now, a few weeks later the fatality rate amongst these guinea pigs, aka testers, has fallen to what the scientists deem an acceptable level and we are ready to unleash TankTrouble for Android on the world. As such the beta test is concluded, and the brave guinea pigs who survived will be retired from active service. We remember in our hearts those who sadly didn't make it, they served an invaluable role in perfecting mobile destruction for Android.
TankTrouble is launching on Android August 29th - this Friday!
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it is...
The TankTrouble safety division has just... wait! We have a safety division? Really? What the heck, I'm supposed to write the news; not think about it. Hmm... so well: The "safety division" has just added a bunch of new tools to the moderators' toolbox. These tools will aid the moderators in their relentless efforts towards their never-ending task. Ultimately they will make TankTrouble an even better and more enjoyable place for everyone!
The TankTrouble Android Beta Sign ups are now closed. Thank you to all of the brave guinea pigs who signed up. If you missed out don't worry there will be more, similar opportunities in the future.
If you signed up and haven't heard from us yet. Don't worry. We'll be in touch shortly!
The TankTrouble Mobile Division has been overwhelmed by the sheer number of people willing to sign up as guinea pigs. As a result of this they now have as many as they need and more. Therefore the sign up window will close by the end of tomorrow. If you haven't signed up yet, hurry up and do it now! Read more here!
For some time the TankTrouble mobile division has been cooking on mobile destruction for Android. Now, after some very promising tests with only minuscule lab rat casualties, we believe the prototype is ready for a field test. We therefore call on you to take up the mantle and serve the glorious cause by becoming a TankTrouble Android Beta Tester.
All you need is an Android device and the urge to blow stuff up! The brave can enlist here:
www.subterraneansoftware.com/tanktrouble-android-beta-signup
How can an app be sold out, you ask? Well, it isn't actually sold out. We just decided to remove it from the App Store. We are scheming to build an app that will set a new benchmark for mobile destruction. Meanwhile, we thought it best to take down the old app. Those of you who downloaded it can proudly claim to hold a rare collector's piece of TankTrouble history.
We have a strong team of moderators. And with new blood injected to the team just a few days ago it is now even stronger. Therefore we have relieved some of the old dogs from their duties. These moderators have done an amazing job. They have managed the forum and kept it kept nice and tidy - some of them for more than six years! We are forever grateful!
We pay them homage with one minute of silence in the Siberian underground (that's scientists, lab rats and Laika included). May destruction be always in your favour!
If you are interested in the complete list of current moderators you should check out the statistics page. You will find it in The Lab.
Four avid TankTroublers have joined the team of moderators. They are committed to fight spam and make the forum a jolly nice place for all tank owners to discuss important tank topics. Please welcome Avenger97, buster321, Dalek-Buster and supervolcano.
It has been a very long time since any news have escaped from the Siberian underground. Did the Russian government finally succeed in their efforts to obliterate our secret laboratory? Was online battles merely an auspicious rumour or is it real? And if so what happened to it? It is time for the TankTrouble news department to break radio silence!
To tell the story right we must go back to March 2013. TankTrouble scientists were closer than ever to realise the one thing they had always dreamt about: Online battles. The scientists had worked themselves grey-haired in countless attempts to achieve this. Now they knew exactly which bits and bytes needed to be swapped. The lead scientist - now sporting his new, grey mane - made the final, crucial tweaks and flipped the switch. The power generators struggled to maintain voltage as the network sockets expelled sparks and filled the laboratory with thick, black, suspenseful smoke. Holding their breath in anticipation (and mainly because of the smoke) the scientists breathlessly waited for visibility to return. And as it did, it revealed the very first online TankTrouble connection ever established. TankTrouble Online Early Alpha was born and for a moment the universe stood still in awe.
But even in this great moment there was no time for celebration. We knew this was no beast from the petting zoo. It had to be unleashed slowly. And just like when playing Jenga while holding a jack hammer, one must consider one's next move carefully. So 1000 tank owners guinea pigs were chosen at random and fed to the newborn beast. Online servers were deployed in strategically chosen locations around the world; in Germany, England, the United States and New Zealand. It seemed promising but...
Although the scientists were continuously installing improvements and swatting bugs to make online destruction smoother, the servers were barely hanging in there. It soon became clear that there was one problem they could never resolve: Destruction delays. This was known as lag. The scientists tried to iron out the lag but ultimately they knew that when dealing with global destruction even a tiny delay is terminal. They knew they had to adopt a whole new, different technology and this meant taking destruction offline and going back to boot camp. And so, on a dreary evening in August the tough decision was made to shut down the online servers.
Thereby the laboratory entered its darkest of ages; a time of fatigued scientists, devastating silence in the test facility and lab rats in despair; a very unproductive time in the history of destruction so let's fast-forward to present tense and get to the paramount question on your mind: WILL ONLINE DESTRUCTION NEVER BE? And before you get into a frenzy and do something irreversible to something valuable in your immediate surroundings we want to ensure you that ONLINE DESTRUCTION WILL COME BACK!
Thanks to you - the ever faithful tank owners - the scrapyard has kept piling up during this dark chapter of TankTrouble history and has served as a beacon on the path to recovery. Now, the TankTrouble Laboratory is back in business and online battles is our number one priority!
FAQ
Q: When will online battle be back?
A: That's impossible to say. But we are back on the horse and working on it. Twentyfourseven!
Q: DO YOU RIDE HORSES IN THE LABORATORY?
A: Not literally ...although we did follow the road apples straight to the mare's nest of lag. Metaphorically speaking that is.
Hiding in the Siberian underground during the unforgiving, freezing cold winter can be a chilly experience even for the most hard-boiled of scientists. Therefore we have created new, boiling hot winter wearables as well as other cool and fashionable TankTrouble essentials. Now you can also choose your preferred colour. Check out the shop!
The biggest nut to crack; the one we've been cracking at for years; the single most desired thing (since the website about sliced bread) and the heart that will fuel the future of destruction: TankTrouble online just aced a trial run in the test facility!
Conducting tests in the Siberian underground rarely goes without titanic catastrophes or minor mishaps. This time we were blessed with the latter: Shaking with euphoric excitement the lead scientists was unable to hold his coffee mug steady and spilled some into the control panel causing some slightly unorthodox behaviour on the website. The website has been restored to normal and we will revise our policy on the intake of liquids during crucial tests.
A test worthy alpha version of TankTrouble is getting exhilaratingly close. Stay posted!
A few weeks back, a mysterious golden box started popping up in the Garage of innocent, unknowing tanks. The confusion quickly turned to excitement as they discovered the extra tankcessories contained within. However, to many it was still unclear how or why these select few tanks had been graced with more swag than they could handle.
We have been working behind the scenes, and are now ready to proudly announce that achievements have finally come to everyone's favorite Russian tank simulator! Go to the Garage to see which ones you already have and to scope out your next goal!
And brace yourselves – there are more to come!
Our laboratory is now decorated with the 25 Christmas tankcessories that we recovered from an old archive box. The scientists are munching ginger bread and crooning Christmas carols and jolly spirit has spread throughout the dark and unexplored corridors of the research facility.
Warm wishes from the cold, Siberian underground,
The Lab
@Santa: Be advised that we do not have a chimney. We suggest you enter through rocket silo B5. This will also ease the delivery of the nuclear reactor that was on the top of our wish list. Thank you.
In the Siberian underground we are working our socks off testing the next, big, destructive thing. And even though all lamps in the test facility are flashing red and lab rats are drinking coolant from our nuclear reactor which is leaking, we have allowed ourselves a calm cake break to celebrate this special day. So whilst munching on some dry cupcakes we recovered from an old, confidential file archive from the cold war, we honor the past year with memorable quotes from you, the tank owners:
"this game ROCKS!"
We are humbly honored. This kind of feedback is the mental fuel that TankTrouble runs on.
"what an absolutly auful game, how dare you suggest that i would want to spend my break playing this junk!"
We are terribly sorry that we do not meet your coffee break entertainment standards. We will get our top-notch scientists on it right away!
"I love this game! It's so addicting, I just wish i could play online v.s. other players"
Online is a tricky dog biscuit. Our runner-up top-notch scientists are cranking on it!
"This most popular site since the one about sliced bread!"
We agree. The one about sliced bread was epic.
"Iam going crazy man crazzzyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We suggest you eat some sliced bread. That helps.
"The awesome people who made the awesome game tank trouble should give single players a choice as to the difficulty of my hero Laika"
Laika is a very independent individual and does not come with a difficulty setting (read the news from 29-03-2009) but we are trying to reanimate other foes.
"hi i say awsome i luv u guys dont eva finish dis website <3 luv u zebragirl"
Having been buried for too long, too deep in the Siberian underground we are not completely down with this modern, hip language of abbreviations but after a little research on the Internet we luv this feedback!
Happy birthday TankTrouble!
...or was it all by design? Here are some answers from the Siberian underground to help untangle the tankcessory box mystery:
The Christmas Advent Box
Every day from December 1st and until Christmas morning the 25th, special Christmas advent tankcessories will be released. You will keep all the tankcessories you unlock, but you must log in every day to unlock them.
The Halloween Box
Only tank owners who had a Halloween tankcessory equipped on All Saints' Eve own this grim, grisly and ghastly box of gruesomeness. Now the quick-witted tank owner who did dress up might ask why the box disappeared during November. Well, that was *ahem* just a minor hiccup. And those green-eyed tank owners who forgot to dress up, fear not! Supernatural horrors will be summoned again next Halloween.
The Golden Box
This mysterious and highly desirable box of awesomeness contains special tankcessories that can only be unlocked by special achievements. Unfortunately, at this time, we are not at liberty to reveal what these achievements are. Why? Because they are top secret!
We hope that clarified things and give our sincere, subsurface tankpologies for possibly having confused the matter more with non-existing words from our tankcabulary.
The Lab
Although the secret TankTrouble research facility is buried deep underground in the vast Siberian wastelands, and the Russian government has so far been unsuccessful in its relentless attempts to locate it (knock on concrete ...there is no wood in our bunker), the Christmas Spirit did find us! Jolly silliness has heated up our moist, underground corridors and the scientists are tremendously excited about the prospects of gingerbread and eggnog, not to mention the old box of grubby, radioactive Christmas decorations we found recently. Each day, until Christmas morning, we will release one new, special (and relatively safe), Christmas decoration tankcessory. And since today is December 1st, go to the Garage now and unlock your first!
Ho ho ho, from the Siberian underground
Note: To unlock a tankcessory you must log in on the day it is available. Then it is yours to keep.
During a reconnaissance of unexplored corners of our secret, underground research facility we came across an old box of dusty Christmas decorations. The decorations have suffered the teeth of staring lab rats and the box appears to be somewhat radioactive. Anyhow, given it's the only Christmas decorations we have, we still think they make a perfect Christmas advent calendar:
Every day starting from December 1st to Christmas morning we will put a new Christmas accessory in the Garage.
Each accessory will be available for one day only.
So log in every day to claim and unlock a special Christmas accessory for your tank!
Though this paranormal activity falls completely outside our usual scientific approach to destruction, we will practice more black magic on November 1st and banish the undead. Anyone who has logged in before then get to keep their Halloween accessory collection for good!
Obliviously unaware of the dangers he was about to unleash, one of our scientists has, as pastime, been doing some bedtime reading in the Necronomicon. He has also been reciting certain passages from the book and practiced necromancy for beginners during lunch breaks. This has awakened an unearthly, ancient evil and summoned a range of spine-chillingly horrifying, undead tank fitments to the Garage. If we were in the business of baby panda rehabilitation we would consider this a slight problem... but we are not! So in the name of Halloween, we welcome our paranormal brothers of destruction.
Go to the Garage and get ready for some serious candy soliciting!
Mobile tank owners don't always have a friend or foe nearby. Consequently, the TankTrouble lab has been working hard to harness the powers of the Internet. TankTroublers be warned: TankTrouble iOS is now fully online!
Download TankTrouble iOS 2.0 now!
It seems that Apple is taking their time to approve online destruction for the App Store. While we are still holding our breath here in the underground lab, we have created a new range of fashionable and highly desirable tank accessories. Go to the Garage now and soothe your disappointment and impatience with some fresh swag for your tank!
It is taking longer for Apple to approve TankTrouble iOS 2.0 than the scientists expected. We suspect they have gotten so immersed in testing online destruction that they cannot put it down and get on with approving it. Stand by, it could be any minute now!
Online destruction is in hot demand and since the day TankTrouble was conceived this has always been the ultimate goal. The scientists have spent many sleepless nights, overheating their copious grey cells, and lab rats have fearlessly thrown themselves into dangerous experiments for this greater cause. Today we had the first breakthrough and successfully tested online TankTrouble iOS battles. And rest assured! We are not slowing down our relentless efforts to achieve the ultimate goal of epic battles of online destruction.
Recharge your iThings and prepare: TankTrouble iOS 2.0 will be unleashed on the AppStore on Friday!
The TankTrouble scientists know everything! They have distilled their comprehensive knowledge into an essential list of frequently asked questions. So if you need help check out the new FAQ.
Just now, our lead scientist slipped out of his coma caused by extreme disappointment and most fortunately it seems his memory is intact. He is now, as we are writing, entering the top secret deploy codes. He's typing agitatedly and with determination... the codes are very long and complicated... white froth is appearing in the corner of his mouth... the entire underground research facility is holding their breath... and the codes are in!
The lead scientist presses the red button and now, by the power invested in us by the gods of destruction, the spanner is revealed!
As the scrapyard was getting closer to the half-a-billion mark, the TankTrouble lab was working increasingly harder to finish a most awesome upgrade - an upgrade worthy of celebrating an achievement of that destructive magnitude.
After many long nights, the upgrade was complete. The lead scientist put his finger on the red deploy-button while the rest of the team were ready to pop the champagne. Everyone were tired, exhausted and droopy-eyed yet bursting with excitement to see the Scrapyard flip to the awe-inspiring, all-glorious 500000000; only to find out the moment was long gone...
It is hard to describe the magnitude of the disappointment that hit the research facility. Imagine if a dog peed on the bonfire, covering your marshmallows in a cloud of steam just as they were reaching their maximum marshmallow potential. That's how it felt. Or maybe even worse.
Unable to cope with this level of disappointment, the lead scientist slipped into a coma-like state, which probably has a fancy name among psychologists. And to make things worse he is also the only one with knowledge of the deployment codes (for safety reasons that is - remember the trainee episode?), so while we wait for him to snap out of it, we are unable to deploy the upgrade. Sigh.
We have sent for a shrink. Expect news soon!
Though procrastination is our favorite activity, between that and cleaning we bit the bullet and performed, as warned, a thorough cleaning of the hangars today. 186K of old, dust-collecting tanks were retired from the database. May they rest in peace.
Excuse us if we just had a long vacation... we did. Let's call it research. So we were exploring uncharted and exotic destinations while following our trusted guide book with essential tips and tricks for those on the road and such, when most unfortunately the index page was lost during a stampede. This was indeed inconvenient (the index page being lost, not the stampede) when we needed to look up something important. We immediately thought (well not immediately, after the stampede had past) of the TankTrouble forum and how it would be significantly improved if one could find what one was looking for when one wanted to find it. Much like what an index page does; like a search function. So that's what we decided to do once we returned to the Siberian underground. Anyway, that turned out to require actual brain power so instead we added pages and some pretty graphics. Enjoy.
It seems that numerous old tanks are collecting nothing much but dust and their only contribution to world destruction is database congestion. And that's not very efficient. Therefore while cleaning is most definitely one of our least favorite activities, this is exactly what we are going to do:
ON SEPTEMBER 1ST 2012 ALL TANKS THAT HAVE BEEN INACTIVE FOR ONE YEAR WILL BE RETIRED!
To make sure you don't lose your tank, simply log in.
After long, sleepless nights tackling unyielding zeros and ones... having shed blood, sweat and lab rats... reaping the powers of Bluetooth technology... we, the TankTrouble lab, humbly present to you the perfect constellation of bits and bytes: TankTrouble iOS wireless!
Download TankTrouble iOS 1.1 now and challenge your nearby friends in wireless combat.
Since the release of the TankTrouble iOS App, our mailbox has been red-hot due to incoming requests for more! We read all your feedback and we realise that mobile tank owners don't like sharing with their enemies. That's why the lab has been hard at work harnessing the power of wireless technologies. The result is that your sharing days are now over: Soon you can battle wirelessly against those around you.
So recharge those phones, pods and pads. TankTrouble iOS 1.1 is unleashed this Friday!
Since our announcement this Monday many tank owners want to know what is "cooking". A wise, old Russian proverb goes:
"Do not sell the skin before the bear has been shot."
Or as we say in the TankTrouble lab:
"Don't milk the cow before you've got corn flakes in the bowl."
...because we love metaphors and living in an underground bunker does strange things to your brain.
Thus to avoid selling a skin we do not yet have or milk the cow in vain, our lips will remain sealed. Scientists are conducting final tests on the "corn flakes" and more will be revealed on Monday.
It has been a tough winter in the Siberian underground. After the release of mobile destruction - the TankTrouble iOS App - the Russian government intensified operation собачьи галеты: Find and obliterate the secret TankTrouble laboratory. Thus we have kept a low profile but are in no way in hibernation. We have been cooking on something special from our own, explosive cookbook and it will soon be "well done".
Expect more news soon...
Not too long ago the TankTrouble App was unleashed on the App Store and here in the lab we are delighted to see the app being downloaded by TankTrouble fans around the world. We are well aware that the app does not have all the destructive features from the website ...yet! The website had a head start and naturally it will take the Laboratory's mobile division some time to catch up.
Meanwhile, if you have some great ideas for the upcoming update or if you have found a bug we need to hear from you!
Please report to www.tanktrouble.com/ios
And if you haven't got the app yet you know where to get it...
On December 16th, 2007 the first TankTrouble tank ventured into the mazes and was soon turned into shrapnel. Today, oodles of demolished tanks and four years later, it is the 4th anniversary of TankTrouble.
Here in our top secret research facility deep in the Siberian underground, the scientists are delighted to celebrate this magnificent day by unleashing mobile destruction on the App Store.
Get TankTrouble for your iPhone or iPod now!
May the destruction be with you ...wherever you go.
Yours sincerely,
The Lab
Next Friday, Friday the 16th of December, is an extraordinarily special day for TankTrouble and all aficionados of destruction. On that day, four years ago, the Scrapyard's digits flipped to count 1 as the very first TankTrouble tank was demolished. Next Friday, tanks have been in trouble for four years. It is the 4th anniversary of TankTrouble.
To celebrate the anniversary in the appropriate, destructive fashion, the TankTrouble laboratory has been building something very special for you: A pocket-sized weapon of mass destruction. After countless hours of grueling development and numerous lab rats sacrificed, it is ready to be unleashed. We are delighted to announce the release of the TankTrouble iPhone/iPod app:
The TankTrouble app will be unleashed in the iTunes store on Friday - December the 16th.
It has come to our attention that the following rumor is spreading faster than shrapnel from a frag bomb:
"The TankTrouble Lab is in the final stages of testing a pocket-sized, mobile weapon of mass destruction that begins with an i"
The Lab can not confirm to dismiss that we affirm not to verify the possible validity of such a rumor. In other words: The Lab refuses to deny that there is no substance to the truth of this rumor. This is nothing but tittle-tattle.
The Lab would also like to use this opportunity to deny all speculations that our press agent has not worked as a spin doctor for the Russian government.
Santa himself has handpicked 10 Christmas colors and assured that they will get you and your tank safely through the wait. Here in the cold Siberian underground we really have no idea what he is talking about.
Anyways, go to the Garage and embrace the spirit!
During the last few days the TankTrouble servers have experienced a few speed bumps and frustrated tank owners with little patience were defeated by long load times. This was caused by a database problem which is way too boring and impossible to explain within any reasonable length of text so instead we will blame it on a radioactive leak from one of the old, rusty barrels in the server room. The situation is now contained and the servers are back to normal.
Also some might have noticed that our intern was messing with the style sheets for the News section #@§*! He claims it's fixed and that the News are back in style. So to speak.
The more important question - the one on all tank owners' minds - is of course: What's in the pipeline? Well, there's a reason we are a top secret laboratory inconveniently located deep in the Siberian underground. At this time we are not at liberty to reveal anything.
More information will follow soon. Stay tuned!
Thanks to all the 2000 fans - we could not have done it without you. Quite literally.
Thanks to our moderators who update the facebook page and keep it nice and tidy.
...and if YOU have not joined yet, do it NOW!
https://www.facebook.com/TankTrouble
And as we like to say here in the lab: One can always destroy more! So when we reach the bar we just raise it higher. Let's shoot for 5000 likes! And we need your help. Tell your friends, foes and family about TankTrouble and make them join! (by force if necessary)
The lab recently conducted some top secret tests in the most desolate, inhospitable, godforsaken part of the vast Arizona desert. We, the Lab, cannot reveal what exactly was tested. In fact, we are not at liberty to reveal anything at all as this would compromise world peace. Our lips are sealed! However, though we are not yet ready to unleash the wrath of the weapon thing we tested, we were inspired to create a new, burning hot, dusty palette for your tank. Go to the Garage and get your tank into a sweat!
The hot summer fad is available for a limited time only!
In the underground of Siberia we noticed that the website was becoming increasingly slower. The scientists long tried to locate the root cause of this problem but with no luck. Then one day the intern had a flat tire on his scooter (we use scooters to get around - it's faster in the long corridors) and headed for the server room - that's where we keep the spares. Long story short, he found the servers red-hot and over-exhausted from an inconceivable and relentless stream of destruction-information from all over the world. Tanks are popping 24-7, and faster than Fred Astaire step dancing on bubble wrap, and we record, log and catalog every single one!
But, with great destruction comes great responsibility! And the scientists are not late to get their hands dirty. Now the top secret, encrypted communication between you and the Siberian underground has been optimized and is 900% faster!
That's fast!
And don't worry. We still record all the destruction.
In the highly unlikely event that you browse to another website remember to log out first. That way you make sure your victories are stored.
Even though the warming rays of sun, the blissful twitter from newly hatched birds, and the fresh, revitalizing scent of blooming flowers never reaches the dreary depths of our secret, underground research facility, we can see in our calendar that it is spring. We celebrate this with all new, fashionable spring colours, so head on to the Garage and get a paint job.
Fashion forward spring colours will be available for a limited time only!
Sighs of awe echoed through our underground laboratories as the scrapyard flipped the last digit and counted 300.000.000 tanks demolished. The scientists could not help themselves and celebrated with a Трепак. Also they threw a bone down the shaft to the lower level where Laika roams. Contented growls were returned. It took blood, sweat and tears (and plenty of explosives) to reach this goal and we would never have made it without all of you destructive tank owners.
The lab is honored.
Did your enemy ever get away or did you ever get nailed by a chasing bullet because you got stuck on a wall? If so, this is for you:
The scientists have developed a new tank base with out-of-this-world, superlative traction belts. With these new babies equipped even the worst tank operator will never get stuck on walls again - the tank will simply pull itself free. These contraptions are standard equipment on all tanks. Hardcore tank operators can turn them off in the settings menu.
We have received numerous requests from players that want to change their password or change their email. This is all possible now! Go to the Garage, log in and click the document icon.
...and while you are there, sign up for the TankTrouble newsletter and be the first to know when new, explosive features hit the maze!
Join the official TankTrouble facebook page and be the first to receive news! Discuss weapon tactics, share tips and tricks and more...
Visit https://www.facebook.com/TankTrouble
The TankTrouble facebook page is managed by TankTrouble moderators.
Are you curious to know how you rank amongst other tank owners? Then check out this useful, little prototype made by our intern. Visit The Lab.
The Lab
While all the scientists were busy creating dangerous, new, destructive weapons with cool Japanese, fling-flong hi-tech we had the intern do some boring jobs that we have put off ourselves for way too long:
- Weekly Victories Highscore ...which by mistake replaced the all times top 10. Blame the intern!
- Password and username recovery (accessed from the ? on the login box).
Enjoy!
Long time, no see! Scientists have been to Japan to research new, state of the art wireless, hi-tech fling-flong and have designed a special weapon for you lazy ass couch potatoes. Get yourself an RC Missile and chase down your enemies without moving a nozzle.
The Lab did some final adjustments to the tank login system and it is no longer in beta.
All tanks that were not logged in during the last six months were terminated.
With the new Booby Traps spreading death and destruction in the mazes, and the Death Ray downgraded, the scientists are wondering:
What's the most destructive weapon?
Watch where you drive - your enemies might have booby trapped the maze! There are 3 Booby Traps in a crate and you better remember where you deploy them or you might just booby trap yourself! ...and a tip from the scientists: If you step on one DON'T MOVE!
For some time the research facility have experienced severe instability in the electrical system. This has made development extremely difficult. Yesterday it peaked and caused several power generators to fail. We tracked the problem and found that the rapid charging of the Death Ray's high capacity cells instantly drained all juice from the research facility and, for a moment, left it as dry as a desert while the generators tried to catch up. To solve the problem the scientists have slowed down the recharging of the Death Ray.
Yesterday at dusk, we - the scientists - were once again back at the surface to complete the testing of the Booby Traps. The prototypes had been deployed the preceding day and all we had to do now, was to blow them up, but we soon learned an important lesson: When testing Booby Traps, remember where you lay them out ...which no one seemed to do. However, this was no major setback. Just a small bump in the road that called for the bomb squad (specially trained lab rats that sniff out explosives).
The rats spread out in random directions and the scientists waited in intense silence. For a moment, like a prelude to a grand symphony, a cold Siberian breeze swept the wastelands. Then a sharp click and a tiny squeak. Time paused for an instant, and like profound poetry a series of deafening explosions unfolded. Dirt and lab rats mixed in a mayhem of colours like kindergarten finger painting on steroids. Using the sky as a canvas, divine artwork was created that would make the most convinced atheist believe in the presence of a higher being. Then silence.
With satisfied, savage smiles and lab-rat-guts on their safety goggles, the scientists returned to the underground research facility.
Booby Traps are coming to a maze near you!
...and Laika approves of the level of destruction: "Two paws 
up!"
Yesterday, the scientists had a breakthrough in the development of the Booby Traps and the first prototypes reached a level of completion suitable for testing. Unfortunately, the test facility was blown up and became inaccessible (not to mention extremely hazardous) when testing of the Death Ray got slightly out of hand. The Booby Traps had to be tested on the surface.
According to our intel there is a short time span just before dusk where no Russian satellites are watching, as they are all orbiting other skies. So, as the sun was setting, scientists emerged from the depths of our underground research facility.
The remaining sunlight was blinding and felt warm on our pale faces, and it was a strange sensation to breathe fresh, unfiltered, non-recycled air. But there was no time to linger and enjoy this rare opportunity. We rushed out on the barren Siberian wastelands and deployed the first prototype Booby Traps. When deployed, they automatically buried themselves under the top soil and, as per design, then activated. Then, time was up. The first Russian satellite would soon return to the Siberian sky and come in range to spot us. We hurried back to the underground.
Tomorrow at dusk we shall surface again to perform the final, most interesting part of the test: Blowing stuff up!
When the weapon vote closed yesterday it was clear: Booby Traps! TankTrouble needs Booby Traps.
Thrilled and excited to bring this splendid, stealthy surprise-device into the mazes, the scientists skipped breakfast altogether and began development this morning at 0600 hours.
Booby Traps are coming!
...and Laika approves of the choice of weapon: "Two paws up!"
Inspired by the lavishness of awesome ideas from the forums, the lab has sketched up some evil new weapon concepts which are ready to be put in production.
Which deadly weapon should the lab develop next?
In August 2009 the Russian government intensified their efforts to locate and obliterate the secret underground TankTrouble research facility. We decided to immediately halt the development and shut down the facility. We flipped the lever to the main power generator; we set the lab rats free; we dumped our entire stock of canned dog food (13.783 cans) in the elevator shaft to the prohibited Level G-4 where Laika roams, hoping this would keep her alive until we'd return. As the deafening noise of the cans scrambling down the elevator shaft faded to silence, the scientists made their way to the surface. They then dispersed to different places around the globe to lay low through a life in exile. One scientist went to Europe and studied a Ph.D. while another went deep into the Rocky Mountains to work on a classified project. They were all just waiting for the day to return to the Siberian underground.
No sign of life has escaped the Siberian underground for the longest time in the history of TankTrouble. While we regret this, the Russian government is convinced that TankTrouble is no longer nothing but a myth.
We are back!
P.S. We are pleased to hear occasional, distant screams of lab rats emerging from the elevator shaft to Level G-4. Our favorite titanium killing machine, Laika, is alive! We know she kept you busy in our absence.
The lab gets lots of requests that Laika should be given weapons. Scientists have been reluctant to do this, as Laika is already far beyond control. Now we gave her the laser. You asked for it!
+facebook linked to the Lab's TankTrouble facebook app ...or at least it was supposed to. Unfortunately cooking up a facebook app wasn't as painless as the Lab assumed; It needs to go through a formal facebook approval process and is doing so currently ...then +facebook will be back!
Highscores are in high demand! So, our mathematical super brain, senior-über-scientist Dr. Yakowski, has come up with a secret formula that calculates just how skillful you TankTrouble tank drivers really are. Here's how it works:
- Defeat tank owners with the same experience to gain 10 experience points.
- Defeat tank owners with more experience and gain more.
- Defeat tank owners with less experience and gain less.
Let the separation of the sheep from the wolves begin!
For a fair start, all Scores, Deaths and Kills were reset.
FAQ
Q: Is the formula really secret?
A: No, it just sounded more cool that way. If you insist, here it is:
winnerExperience += round(min(20, max(1, 10 + (loosersExperience - winnerExperience) / 100)))
We have replaced 247 meters of cable and we are back online.
Just as we were finally ready to deploy a new feature, our lab rat cage-control-computer had a short circuit and opened all cages. After two hours of rat chaos and 114 casualties (all lab rats) things were back under control ...we thought. But, in the heat of the battle the rats had nibbled away on some important cables and some core systems crashed - lab rats are smart!
The damages are being assessed.
Some users are experiencing problems opening our new TankTrouble T-shirt shop. We would like to get more feedback so we can resolve the issues ...that is, if there are any! Also tell us what you think of the T-shirts and the other stuff in the shop.
Write your feedback in the feedback box or send an email to [email protected]
The Lab is proud to present a destructive collection of hot T-shirts straight from the cold Siberian underground. Whether you want a hoodie for the hood, a fierce pneumatic titanium dog on a tank, or a chaotic TankTrouble battleground for your mouse, TankTrouble Essentials' got it. Check it out!
Many lab rats and raw fish have been sacrificed in the process, but now the Death Ray has finally been released. Traveling at three times the speed of light, this weapon pulverizes anything in its path, so get ready to fry your opponent instantly in a scorching, white-hot Ray of Death!
After 48 hours of intensive brain squeezing and numerous failed attempts to crack the mystery of the Death Ray, prototyping came to a standstill. So we ordered some takeaway sushi. Too exhausted to provide a proper chopstick-grip, a scientist dropped his wasabi into the prototype. An über-white flash exploded from the prototype as it discharged a wasabi-green beam through 27 reinforced concrete walls, seven blast doors, and five california rolls.
Lunch had gone from raw to charcoal and destructive smiles slowly widened on the blinded scientists' faces. There was no doubt. This was the Death Ray.
Put on your safety goggles and prepare! The Death Ray is coming to a tank near you - pray it's your own.
This morning our scientists believed they had recreated Dimitri's machine able to produce the Death Ray. They rushed to investigate it in the lab's test facility. At 0600 hours safety-goggled scientists powered up the prototype, folded hands, said a small prayer and pressed the red button. The hall was illuminated with a radiant, burning white light. Crisp, electrified static - much like a tired pickup on an old vinyl record - echoed from the concrete walls.
The broad smiles quickly disappeared as the scientists un-goggled. All the lab rats had survived. A complete failure. Plenty of Ray but no Death! Crestfallen, the scientists left the test facility with one question on their minds: Is this ingenious, ultimate weapon theoretically impossible or just plain impossible? Will the project be shelved?
In 1919, according to legend, Russian scientist Doctor Dimitri is said to have conceived a machine able to produce the theoretically impossible frequency known as the Death Ray: A beam that will penetrate all matter - the ultimate weapon!
Existence of the Death Ray was never confirmed, Dimitri vanished and the weapon was thought of as no more than a myth.
Yesterday, during spring cleaning, in the darkest corner of our secret underground complex, we found an old, dusty file cabinet. In a file labeled 'Strictly Confidential. Proper- ty of the Government of Russia,' we found an old newspaper. It never reached the press as the bureau closed under mysterious circumstances.
The newspaper confirms Dimitri's Death Ray and gives clues to the impossible theory. With the paper in hand, our scientists hope to reproduce Dimitri's machine. Prepare for the Death Ray!
As a result of the latest poll, Laika is furious! Consequently, during and shortly after the poll she added another 1.000.000 tanks to her nonexistent conscience.
We get much feedback requesting to make Laika easier or offer a difficulty setting. We can't! Laika is unapproachable, raving mad and locked up behind multiple pulse beam reinforced steel doors in the depths of our underground complex. Laika is beyond the scientists' control!
...and besides, have you ever heard of a pneumatic dog on a killing frenzy with a difficulty setting? We haven't!
In its fairly short life Laika has destroyed 2.000.000+ tanks. Have our scientists awakened the meanest pneumatic-powered, titanium dog ever or is it just plain lucky? It's time for a poll.
How hard is Laika?
The lab is proud to announce: The maze creator is back!
And we even improved it some! Log in, go to the Garage and get started...
(You can play other tank owner's mazes too! Click the gear button during the game to see how.)
Repaint your tank in the cool and crisp winter fashion colors. Available for a limited time only! So hurry up to the garage and take your tank for a stroll down the catwalk.
We handpicked some moderators to clean up our messy forum. The forum now has less crap, it's more fun, and provides a better soil for fruitful discussions. We think the moderators are doing a good job and decided to put their names under the discussions they moderate. With that and a bunch of other minor improvements, though mostly visible for the hardworking moderators, we hope to improve the forum even further.
Though we rarely write, we read almost everything you write. And we listen! Engage yourself, articulate your ideas in the forum and impact TankTrouble development!
Server failures have put the whole lab in distress for weeks. Our scientists sweated blood adding a malodorous stench to the already uneasy atmosphere. They have squeezed their brains out trying to crack the meltdowns. Now, we have finally put them to rest. Let's go back in time...
16th of December: The lab unleashes the devastating 52% Laika clone whom, before contained, munched a scientist or two. Laika destroys 200.000+ tanks and redefines destruction!
18th of december: The killing frenzy is out of control and in the end it kills the server. TankTrouble is down! This dreadful day will forever remain a black hole in the history of TankTrouble.
16th of January: A good deal of weeping, Christmas cookies and hard work later TankTrouble was moved to new servers and back online. Fans, ready to deem this a national holiday, wrote heart-rending feedback. The lab held hands and for a minute of silence the only sound was the soft impact between the concrete floor and the scientists' tears of joy. But bliss was short...
21st of January: A series of meltdowns started. Panic spreads in the Lab. All scientists are taken of their current projects to assist in locating the source. The next 29 days would be a bumpy ride with the server going up and down faster than a cow tit in the hands of a trained cowgirl. Apocalyptical frustration and doomsday-thoughts tormented the Russian underground.
19th of February: The lab concludes there are no bugs eating up server resources. The problem is the server. It was all we could afford but we still blame it on our intern who picked up the ancient artifact at the local flee market. Him and the server have now left the complex through the rocket silo.
20th of February, yesterday: Scientists cancelled their upcoming annual highlight; an excursion to the surface and rolls with jam. With the money saved and the coins from the vending machine, the lab to invested in a dedicated server.
TankTrouble is now residing on a German kraftwerk. With this state-of-the-art monster in place, the lab believes that the time of the meltdowns is now merely a closed chapter of horror that will slowly, like the half-life of Uranium, fade in our memories.
The Lab
Some core scripts keep failing. So far the bugs have outmaneuvered our Scientists but they are doing everything possible to smoke 'em out! In the heat of the battle we have disabled custom mazes temporarily.
Though raving mad, Laika is in high demand - everybody wants to blow her up! Understandable. In her first days, she has already blown up 200.000+ of YOUR tanks and is without doubt the most dangerous pneumatic titanium dog to have ever barked! However, this fast paced, out-of-control killing frenzy is pushing servers to the max and has caused some core mechanisms to fail. As thrilled as we are for having unleashed this creature, we are equally frustrated about these breakdowns. Our most brainy scientists have put on their thickest eyeglasses and dug themselves deep down into the bits and bytes of the core scripts to resolve the problem. We will keep you posted...
The days of cursing the mouse, as your tank got stuck in the top of the maze, are history! With the new, improved mouse control, your tank will follow the mouse cursor whether it's inside maze bounds or not - sweet!
For years the Russian government has searched for the crash site of space dog Laika's satellite in order to forever destroy the last possible evidence of their disastrous Cold War project that went terribly wrong. They never found it. We did!
In the depths of the Pacific abyss, TankTrouble researchers located the satellite wreck and retrieved the clues and answers to some of the questions of this strictly confidential incident.
Now, after many dark hours of grim and dreadful experiments in the laboratory's deepest pits, behind armed pulse beam doors, TankTrouble scientists have awoken something they shouldn't have.
From the DNA recovered from the secret crash site, our scientists were able to grow 52% of Russian space dog Laika's brain tissue. Then they wired it to a pneumatic-powered titanium body and the lead scientists engaged Laika's nuclear core - the last thing they ever did.
After a long and brutal battle, we have managed to contain this monster and have wired her brain to the TankTrouble simulator. There are still some short circuits and the brain is still only working based on the most basic instincts.
The space dog is back!
The Lab often gets requests from webmasters wanting Tanktrouble on their site. Wahoo, it's now possible! Just follow the instructions in The Lab and watch your traffic skyrocket!
The Lab
Yesterday one of our rookie scientists, having been bitten by our latest experiment and hence in a temporary (or possibly permanent) subhuman state, happened to overwrite some files and thereby opening The Lab. It was originally meant never to see the light of day, but we decided to let it be. We will use it for all the odd experiments, and make you the guinea pig.
The Lab
December the 18th destruction came to a standstill as TankTrouble servers crashed from massive traffic overload. Scientists, busy with cookie dough and Christmas carols, failed to fix this in their silly Christmas-nonsense. There was no excuse!
Disheartened, crestfallen and demoralized tank owners made our mailbox overflow with frustrated words, Facebook groups were established demanding TankTrouble back, and brave server owners offered hosting. In blistering cold Siberia, in the depths of our underground lab, the scientists rediscovered a long-forgotten phenomenon called emotions and with bleeding hearts and no champagne they entered 2009:
"Since TankTrouble shut down, my life has become aimless couch cruising. Please bring TankTrouble back!"
The laboratory atmosphere was very gloomy too.
"Load this game up now, or I will hire assassins to tempt you!"
We understand (but save your money, the Russian government sends 'em plenty).
In January the scientists finally snapped out of their jolly holiday haze and began initializing new servers. On January 16th all systems were back online and TankTrouble was unleashed again! TankTrouble now rests on faster, relentlessly reliable servers. Recommence destruction:
"Thank you for bringing TankTrouble back. It makes my life worth living!!! IM A HUGE FAN!!!! LUV YA!!!"
Thanks for hanging in there.
"I think there is a special place in heaven for you. TankTrouble rocks!!!"
Thanks, but we had a vote and all the scientists would rather go downstairs. See you there!
As for future plans, we have retrieved some doomed DNA and the lab is about to awaken something that's probably better left undisturbed (that's of course not going to stop us). So keep your eyes peeled, it will hit you soon - too soon! That's all we can say for now...
Thank you all for your dedicated patience and for hanging in there. We depend on you!
Check out TankTrouble on Facebook or how about some crazy, enthusiastic fan footage on YouTube?
Team TankTrouble
Been feeling miserable, depressed and blue? Thought all hopes were lost? Well, they were not! Forget the gloomy thoughts, squint your eyes and put your evil smile of destruction back on - TankTrouble is back!
Good news from the Siberian underground. Our scientists have located a brave (or possibly just oblivious) server to host some destruction. Yihaa! It took too long, we know! Our scientists went all in during Christmas yodeling carols and munching away ginger bread. If we weren't short on scientists there would be severe consequences!
Hang in there, we are close!
Team TankTrouble
Unfortunately, our hosting company has shut us down because we're starting to generate too much traffic. We are currently looking for a new hosting company and will hopefully be back in full force before you know it.
Thanks a lot for your support. It is because of you that we have achieved this shutdown :) We could not have dreamed of having so many users only one year after we opened the site.
See you soon. Merry Xmas and a scrappy new year!
Team TankTrouble
Tired of constantly being sniped by your little brother who always happens to be at the right spot to pick up the laser? Sick of the usual, random mazes you've been playing for a year now? Well, now you can customize your way out of these headaches! Through the new settings menu, you can select which weapons you want in your battles and what kind of mazes you want to play. We've even thrown in a new, more fair (although harder to learn) mouse control.
To access the settings menu, just click the gear when playing the game. It will start spinning and once the current battle is over, the menu will pop up.
Now, everybody can create their own mazes! You can save up to 3 mazes simultaneously and once your maze has been saved in the Maze Creator, you can start playing it with your friends. If your maze is approved by one of our unfair and extremely picky moderator monkeys, it will become available for everyone else to play as well.
The scientists want you to know that this is only the first version of the tool, so stay tuned for updates such as various traps and hazards, a maze ranking system and more. Also, they ask you to please forgive the poor graphics. The scientist with the artistic skills is still MIA - he was last seen in a mine field in Vietnam.
Now, get to work in the Maze Creator!
As you have probably noticed, updates have been scarce during the last few months. Rest assured, we the scientists have not given up, but have been busy attending to our daytime jobs, which for the moment are in doing research in Fiji and Los Angeles. Having spent the better part of a year working hard in our homes the underground TankTrouble lab, we thus had to temporarily leave our country the scientists were starting to grow mad and decided they needed a change of scenery before someone ended up impaled on one of the missiles in the silo or "accidentally" trapped in the vacuum chamber.
The problem is that we need to split the workload between us since we have differing skills one needs both scientists' keys to access the lab's mainframe, so it has been hard to launch new features without being able to meet up full control over the system.
All has not been quiet internally, however, and we actually have two new weapons almost ready, a computer player just in need of some final tuning, plus a settings panel which allows you to customize your battles. Finally, we have cooked up a maze editor which should be ready in a couple of weeks, so all in all it's going to be a bloody good Christmas this year!
As always, thanks for your ongoing support and sorry for the holdup.
The Lab
With the newest weapon still hot off the assembly line, the Lab thought it would be a great time for a poll on your weapon of choice.
What's the most deadly weapon?
The days of hiding in the nooks and crannies of the maze are over. You are no longer safe anywhere! The new homing missile knows its way around corners so you better brush off your dodging techniques ...and fast!
Feedback keeps ticking in.. Lots of awesome ideas, words of acknowledgment and admission. Thanks, it's what keeps us going. Also there's some dissatisfaction with progress speed. The lab understands and thinks some explaining might help, like: Who is the lab really?
Being a top-secret, super classified project, the naked truth is an unfamiliar term for us but we've weaved in a little here ...maybe:
The lab is the collaborative brains of two guys scientists. In their private residences a bunker deep beneath Siberian soil these two devious minds conduct their shady experiments to develop TankTrouble. It's a non-profit project. The primary objective is to take over the world have fun! All the underhanded governmental fundings go to prototyping, so the two scientists feed on lab rats and condensed water off the walls So to put bread on the table, the two guys scientists are both engaged in full-time jobs in the real world.
Long story short: We are short on time and not grey matter. We don't lack ideas, will and dedication. The sketch board is piled up and updates are in the pipeline!
Again, thanks for all your feedback and thanks for your commitment.
The Lab
For way too long the database has been down. Now, finally it's operational again. All user data was lost! ...so we start from scratch. Our backup-responsible scientist has punished himself by locking himself up with the lab rats for a week. He says "Sorry guys".
These last days TankTrouble have encountered yet more crashes. The cause is some dodgy, cheap servers that has turned out rather unreliable. We will move to another more dependable host ASAP! Meanwhile we'll keep the site running the best we can.
Keep faith high. We do!
The Lab
On high demand from oodles of TankTrouble regulars, the lab has cooked up a forum.
Go there to discuss: What's good? What's bad? Share maneuvering tricks and dodging techniques. Probe destructive ideas, and get a finger on the pulse of the latest tank fashion.
The lab will be eavesdropping!
The site is back online!
Damages have been assessed after yesterday's devastating meltdown. The gory damage report discloses lab rats scattered all over the walls - no survivors! But far more severe: A database with all tank registrations has been irreversibly lost. You will have to sign up again. All other systems have been repaired. The site is back online and seems to be running stable. This is why we are still in beta.
The login system is still in beta. During the next month or so you may experience changes and downtime. Before moving to the final version we might reset or delete all accounts. Please report bugs.
Yesterday at 0200 hours, a database crashed. The login systems are malfunctioning and the site needs a medic! Our scientists are themselves in the dark about it but are putting a relentless effort into solving it.
We'll keep you posted!
Finally it's here! The much requested repaint facility allows you to change the colours of your tank over and over! There are 10 funky colours to choose from but there will be more...
Go to the garage now and shake those cans!
The Lab gets tons of feedback on the mouse controls. Some like it. Some don't. Our scientists have squeezed the liquids from their brains trying to find a solution. They think this calls for a poll.
What do you think? The mouse control is...
25 days old and 9000+ tank owners already!
So what's happening? While appearance hasn't changed, our lab has been doing numerous changes under the hood to improve performance and stability. We think we are getting there but YOU have to help us test! Please report any weird and faulty behaviours.
Also, the lab is working on a re-paint facility. This will make it possible to change the colour of your tank. The lab is polishing off that one as we speak.
And, of course many tank owners ask for an online version saying it will spread the destruction beyond control. No doubt that's an awesome idea!!! The lab has begun a preliminary reconnaissance. It's a tough one - not likely to happen in the nearby future but we'll keep you posted.
However, we will have rankings soonish where you will be able to compare yourself and your destructive capabilities to your friends' and other tank owners across the planet. When is soonish you ask? Given that our scientists' brains are close to a meltdown due to some hot test results from a top secret chili-turret-experiment, all we can promise is soonish!
The login system is still in beta. During the next month or so you may experience changes and downtime. Before moving to the final version we might reset or delete all accounts. Please report bugs.
About one week old, the Garage quarters 4000+ tanks and counting. Awesome!
We get lots of good feedback from happy tank owners. The most frequent requests are:
- Re-painting facility. No doubt we need this. We are working hard on this one!
- Rankings! YES! Of course. Coming soon...
- Upgrades and customization shop. It's on the lab's to-do list...
As some might have noticed we have moved from version 2.0 to 2.01. This update addresses server communication issues and should have made the login system more stable.
The login system is still in beta. During the next month or so you may experience changes and downtime. Before moving to the final version we might reset or delete all accounts. Please report bugs.
After many long hours of hard work, sweat is still dripping from the foreheads of our scientists as we proudly open The Garage.
The Garage is where you get your own personal tank. Besides bragging about owning a tank, signing up also lets you keep track of your 
victories, 
kills, 
deaths, customize your tank colours and more...
...additional features are already on the drawing board for The Garage. So keep an eye on this newsfeed - we'll keep you posted. Claim your tank now - sign up in The Garage
The login system is still in beta. During the next month or so you may experience changes and downtime. Before moving to the final version we might reset or delete all accounts. Please report bugs.
At 0513 hours Siberian main time the Scrapyard flipped for its tenth million time. That's an impressive display of destruction in the 136 days young life of the site.
So what did we achieve? Lots of games played, lots of destruction, 3 new weapons (too few according to some, but we are working on that), and many other, smaller updates. The lab has gained lots of experience, and armed with awesome ideas (from the feedback from you guys) our dedicated scientists are ready to embrace a more bright and violent future.
Thanks to all of you for helping us destroy all these tanks - we couldn't have done it without you,
Team TankTrouble
The crooked smiles of the TankTrouble lab scientists grow with every feedback that ticks in - we read it all! Thanks to all you loyal, evil and hardworking tank drivers out there for all the über cool ideas.
Here are some of the most frequent requests we get:
"We think you should make a login system. We would really like custom tank colours."
All our resources are currently focused on developing a login system. You'll be able to customize your tank, keep track of your scores and more...
"A homing missile would be awesome!!!"
We cannot reveal what's cooking in the classified areas but we'll not deny that it's something heatseeking that should warm up your hearts!
"Can you make it so you can play against the computer?"
From an unofficial russian crash site we retrieved some long lost DNA. No matter how cryptic that sounds it's all we can say.
"sdsdsfedefdseefsesffessf"
We get some of these but we don't quite understand. Please be a bit more specific.
"This game is awesome ;-) Could you please make more weapons?"
Thanks! And yes! More devious ideas have left the drawing board for prototyping...
Thank you feedbackers. Keep it coming...
Despite all the good intentions of destruction it has come to our lab's attention that some tank drivers have been unable to destroy anything with the new Gatling Gun. Hence this guide:
- Pick up a crate.
- Locate and point at something undesirable.
- Press and HOLD your fire button.
The clip offers an impressive 20 pieces of lead and while dispensing your tank can still move.
Enjoy and destroy!
Fresh out of the pipeline, our lab is delighted to unleash this shiny piece of destruction: The Gatling gun. This mean machine will get a nifty amount of lead airborne in a split second.
It's breathtaking ...literally!
Something devious is cooking in the lab!
It'll be fast - it'll be destructive - and best of all, it'll fit on top of your tank!
After having watched Dr. Strangelove the lab scientists felt inspired to fix a few minor bugs - so minor that they are hardly worth mentioning. "Ordnung muss sein!", as they say.
Rules of engagement just changed. Rather than stealing and exchanging points, victories are now simply counted. The new rules are applied to better fit with a super secret login system that is currently under development.
Couldn't hit a hangar if your tank was parked inside it? Then this is the weapon for you - you are guaranteed to destroy something!
Word of advise though, get out of the hangar before you detonate!
Email your loved ones and share the destruction! Tell your colleagues and heat up the office! Invite your friends and make new enemies! What are you waiting for?
At 0700 hours Siberian main time the scrapyard reached one million demolished tanks. But do not worry - we have plenty in stock, so keep up the destruction! ...also our lab has a little something in the pipeline that will make the second million seem a lot closer.
Turned out there was a short circuit in the Laser that caused the tank to self destruct occasionally. It has now been rewired.
No weapons of mass destruction in your stocking this morning? Cheer up! Just in time to save Christmas, our lab has finished a hazardous laser that'll vaporize your enemy in the blink of an eye. Watch out!
The site is now one week old, and our most delightful fear is a reality. Judging by the number of demolished tanks in the scrapyard and the violent history of the TankTrouble simulator, we could be heading towards the beginning of the end of days.
We appreciate the feedback we have received and we take every suggestion and critique seriously - keep it coming! ...and by the way, our lab has a laser in the pipeline!
Team TankTrouble
The following never happened.
In the most red-hot time of the Cold War in a secret research facility hidden deep beneath the Siberian soil, the USSR launched an unusually sly and diabolic experiment - codenamed TankTrouble.
In 1957 Russian scientists had developed the most devious tank simulator. Its sole purpose was to train and breed the most unscrupulous tank platoon ever to set tracks on the planet - operated by dogs! 42 dogs from the dreary and unforgiving streets of Moscow were captured and taken to the facility where training began. The dogs were relentlessly exposed to the simulator and played each other intensively. The simulator worked like a drug and they were soon more addicted to playing TankTrouble than to dog biscuits. But then it all went wrong.
Unexpectedly, the scientists themselves got hooked. In a matter of days both scientists and dogs were stripped of all recognizable characteristics and behaviors and became violent machines. Raving mad and acting on something deeper than instincts, bloodshed was inevitable. It ended in a battle that redefined violence and there were more flying bodyparts in the air than confetti on new years eve. Knowing the Russian government would terminate the project, the lead scientist in his final breaths embedded the simulator in the dog tag of his favorite dog, Laika. He then launched Laika into space from the facility's rocket silo. Shortly after these events the USSR conducted a suspicious amount of nuclear tests in the Siberian tundra and the existence of the facility has never been substantiated. The USSR government confirms that they deny everything.
The top secret underground facility
The savage seconds before take-off
Laika and TankTrouble orbited earth 302.528 times during the past 50 years before they finally crashed at an unknown site. Thanks to sources that shall remain unknown, the TankTrouble simulator resurfaces after 50 years in orbit. Let the dogfight begin!